I got an email with @SurprisedJ tag (thank you by the way James- let me know how you are) and it seemed we were on the same mind thread as I was going to come on today and update and check in.
I’m doing well mostly, Its hard to describe, everything is still going on i still have all the thoughts and experiences, but through a hell of a lot of work with mindfulness, worry periods (I did the worry intervention trial with my nurse, it’s helped me immensely) and strict routines, I’m mostly under control. I’m currently struggling slightly after I fainted coming down the stairs. I had really bad telepathy and rumination got into all my old habits for a week, but kicked myself out of it by getting back into my routine I’m still pretty shaken by it though.
It may also be, I’m coming off my Gabapentin, I was prescribed it for neuropathic pain but it doped me up majorly, I’m very awake, and very emotional. It’s a relief, I never realised how numbed out of existence I was, but it’s also a stressor, I’m not completely off it just yet but another month and I will be. I just hope I can keep stable. I feel so hyper aware of myself now, I notice every little slight deterioration apart from when I go down suddenly like after falling down the stairs. I still have my off days where I need to hibernate at least once a week. I live every day like I’m not going to have insight the next, I know how far I can fall now, I’m still processing.
I work now as an expert by lived experience. I’m currently helping at a group with my nurse with prospects of fascilitating my own groups. It’s going good so far. And I don’t know if any of you remember but I have traditional acupuncture, well it’s helped so much, that on the 24th I have an interview for doing the training. It will involve weekends away and a lot of work, but it’ll be worth it because I’ll be my own boss which works well for us with severe mental illness, I’ll be supervised of course but I can control my environment and fit rest around it. Plus it just fits. It suits me, I’m hoping to get in for the September intake, so please keep your fingers crossed for me!
So I’m me, upping and Downing as usual, it’s a constant battle but worth it. How is everyone else doing? I hope no one takes this the wrong way. I’m going to be around again, I missed talking where people understood I tell my story so much now but very rarely is it understood. I avoided here after my suicide attempt last year but I feel ready to come back.
Take care, go steady,