Hello everyone, it’s been a while!!! ^.^ Last I was on here I got psychotic again. My episode isn’t over yet but I’m on Geodon now and I hope to stay on it for the rest of my life since the remaining meds make it impossible for me to live a normal life. Lots to say but first of all my support groups decided to let me attend again so I had my first Women’s Group on Friday. My cousin from China is stuck in Hawaii due to coronavirus and we’ve been out taking ig photos a lot. Today I met up with one of the leaders of a new volunteer group I’m joining. It’s called Tzu Chi Buddhist group for super Chinese people. Sorry I can be so toxic after 3 years of therapy and day treatment programs but I’m committed to doing the right thing now. Next Saturday we are going to a nursing home to sing to and massage clients. My functioning isn’t too good but I’d really like to stick with it! It has ties to University of Hawaii at Manoa. Other things that happened to me include possibly getting a puppy from a batch of mini labradors that were born recently. Pics forthcoming in March or April! I’d like to learn more about the lives of other Chinese immigrants to Hawaii through the volunteer group. The organizer I met today also moved to Hawaii during his childhood/teens and is around my age so I feel a connection to him. He comes from a strict mandarin speaking family from Guangzhou. Not sure how he lives because Chinese are all different culturally and I’d like to join the cause. Still a bit delusional but at least I can go out now. Here are a few photos I took recently!
Anyways my slightly delusional goal right now is to reform places like support group, clubhouse, and this forum to be more user friendly. How’ve you all been? Oh yeah, I quit therapy since I can’t find one yet that just lets me drink boba, watch mukbang, and participate actively in the cause. And I am switching to a less toxic pcp provider. Don’t want to break the rules by being more involved in the toxic mi environment than I can handle. So I’m curious if any of you are part of or interested in joining any societies or community activities like volunteering just 30 min- 1 hr per week or doing some small work for the community? Also @rogueone how are you doing? Have you thought about doing a second club or activity in your spare time?
Yes it worries me a lot right now the sheer outlandishness of my delusions. One of them being that some Chinese people have a yin yang curse that prevents them from going to heaven, there’s a lot of bullying going on in mental health that needs to be addressed, and that my grandpa from Shandong is my original birth father from a past life. But it makes sense, my grandma is pure Hakka from a very sacred village. Not sure white people understand just how important that is. And my grandpa is from Shandong and my dad’s family is from Anhui. Therefore many of my acquaintances, people I choose to date, friends, etc. are Japanese. Don’t want to speed things up but my delusion is that there are people like one of the friends in the photo I posted who will be in big trouble transitioning through the group home system and helping the wrong side is bad for us all.
hey @anon62973308 glad your back. I was worried about you and saw some signs you weren’t doing so well. So glad your on the upward path. Very happy you checked back in and just do what you need to do. It’s always so our natures to want to do everything on getting better all at once…take your time and enjoy the ride.
Much happiness and good to see your ok. Much peace…!
Thanks but my tastes are maturing and I’m starting to enjoy sweetened coffee. Like caramel macchiatos and stuff. Not something too bitter… lots of boba shops still growing in number in Honolulu so lots to try! Some boba shops sell boba coffee which definitely hits the spot lol. I also like the matcha shakes too. :3 you need to come try some!!! I might venture into the mai tai territory too one day maybe when I feel adventurous… but there’s a boba shop right downstairs from my Bridges support group that sells Hong Kong milk tea and I need to acquire a taste for it since it’s the most authentic place. The support group people seem jealous since I’m always holding a sugar drink in class lol when they’re trying to have a serious discussion. I’m turning 30 soon and am finding the 40 year olds somewhat attractive… lololol but there are guys who act so severely troubled I’m afraid of them…
Thanks for your concern but I’m not better at all!!! In fact I’m scared and anxious this very moment!! And my job is not to “recover” but to “be involved” with my commitments. Resolving racism, stigma, sexism, etc. Women in support groups seem much more approachable in general than the men, except for a few gentlemen. We have seafood cities in Hawaii and that’s too much for me to stomach so I can’t exactly flatter a guy who eats that stuff… in general I’m afraid of anyone who does drugs, doesn’t respect consent, and I guess I have a slight preference for cute-type local Asians than Asians from China even though I’m not “strong sexy” or anything… every time I friend a guy from the mi system, it doesn’t work out. In fact I don’t know much about guys in general. They don’t talk as much as women do, mostly. But I’m aging and I’m not looking for money anymore. Has to be Asian, enjoys going out for dinner or lunch… basically idk but I have nothing but bad reviews for that Mexican guy I dated though he turned out to be a nice friend. Yeah. Never again.
