I like depression

Alright, anhedonia as in feeling nothing is awful, but sadness and despair… those I like. It does get to the point of psychotic depression (by the way my doctor said that I’m schizo-something, my diagnosis has gone through schizophrenia paranoid type, to schizoaffective disorder, to bipolar 1 with psychotic features, to schizo-something, to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type rapid cycling. Well, I guess maybe I’m in a mixed episode currently, but I’m still pretty functional, so maybe hypo-mixed. For the longest time I just felt bored, there was nothing that I found interesting. So maybe I am just delusional out of boredom, as in real life isn’t interesting enough, so I came up with delusions to work with and enable some modicum of boredom escape.

Lately it goes like this: I hate the people on this planet. I don’t know if I’ve ever met in person a single person I like. They are all flawed in some annoying way. I would desperately like someone with whom I can relate. But no, not even the other psychotics I’ve met meet my standards. Not to say there isn’t anyone out there. Maybe I just need to leave the lands I’ve been inhabiting.

I can relate to a lot of that. Just remember you’ve got your flaws as well. Talking on the boards is nothing like meeting face to face but it’s the next best thing. It’s all of them it probably just you. Maybe you need to reevaluate things. Peace be with you my friend.

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I came across a man sitting
naked, bestial
in a dessert.
In his hands he held his heart,
and he ate of it.
I said, “friend, is that good?”
He said, “ah, it is bitter, bitter,
but I like it,
because it is bitter,
and because it is my heart.” -Stephen Crane-


yeah when im experiencing the avolition that is no good either. during that time it would seem hiding under a rock or even living in a big bowl of macaroni and cheese would be a better life. lol

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Oh don’t say you hate all the people on the planet, unless you have literally met every single person on the planet. (Because contrary to popular belief, knowing one person is NOT the same as knowing em all) Just say you hate all the people you know, haha. Seems you need to go exploring new social horizons.

I think delusions on my part helped with the daily monotony of every day life as well, to the point where I’m almost tempted to let myself fall victim to those thoughts again.

Some grad student in psychology I used to speak with online before I was brave enough to go to a therapist told me I sounded as though I had psychotic depression, but honestly I don’t care for labels. They aren’t particularly important in the first place, and according to my therapist mainly serve purpose of providing medication and/or receiving benefits if you need them.

I remember despair and depression and I found meds and a nice life change whatever that is for you can fix your being down. good luck.

At least you’d have enough to eat.

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That reminds me whatever happened to psychotic teen. She had psychotic depression she seemingly disappeared.

Yeah I remember seeing her posts too…I hate that it has to be concerning whenever people are gone a long time from the forum