I finally know what I want in life. I’ve never been more sure. Ever since I’ve had this determination, of I know that I know that I know, attractive people keep showing up, trying to pull me away.
They won’t, because I know that I know that I know, but fck they tempt me.
This one is feeding something dark, which doesn’t get fed often. I think it’s because my goal is so close. Not many get the side of me he gets, and is also supportive and understanding of my situation and where I know I’m going.
I want to give into him, but I also feel it’s unfair of me. I don’t want him to think I’m playing, but I kind of am? I want to enjoy him while I can, fck standards, and expectations. We connect now, and I don’t see why we can’t explore that just because my timeline will soon change course.
Why deprive ourselves just because we’re likely not going to last forever? I don’t know of anything which does. And I don’t want to end up dead in a dumpster, or washed up on a shore, or lain naked and mutilated in an open field, wishing I had more fun with the people who I shared a mutual interest in.
I want to enjoy these people while I can. We all could be dead soon. What will it matter what dating norms we followed, when the time comes? Enjoy me now. I don’t have long. I know that I know that I know.