I keep letting them wind me up

Disclaimer: This is just what I’m thinking now so please no hate or taking sides with my mental health team’s company/business.

At the end of most appointments, we leave on good terms but throughout the week, I start picking up on things that I didn’t see or process properly in the appointment, thinking about the consequences and how this is not good for me.
Hidden clues that I should have seen and on the spot be like NO but instead I realise when it’s too late. They have done the damage and I am a foolish fragile mind being taken advantage of, I am supposed to be intelligent, I am supposed to stop them but I can’t, because their company/business covers their tracks and gives them orders to lie to me.

I request the highest dose of my SSRI, sleeping pills, stronger anxiety meds and an AP that will make me lose weight please, but they do not do that… they do not listen to me, just tell me to meditate. Give me a plane ticket to Thailand and I will meditate. In this house there are too many memories of mental illness floating in the air entering and leaving my mind and body all the time so I cannot relax.

Thankyou I don’t think I will make sure that is the only way to phrase it. I’m going to try and get my life back on the forum. Today is the only way I can get away with having a lot of fun at the doctors and going to be able to get it then I ate like a fake British person because I have a propranalol tablet and some water in a couple of years


What is this?

No one here is trying to take sides, we’re just trying to help,

And in this case,

I think you’re wrong.

The team is trying to help you, what you want may not be whats best.

You’ve only been seeing this team for a short while, they’re not just going to load you up on strong, max doses of addictive drugs.

Plus, you are very young, you should be taking those meds as a last resort.

Are you seeing a therapist yet?

I feel you could really benefit from the experience.

I’m sorry you feel so bad, but I also really think you should try to work more with your team instead of conspiring against them.

Not trying to be hard on you, @Jesspresso,

One of the biggest problems with me getting better is my fear and distrust of the doctors I see,

So I completely understand,

We both have to start having faith in our providers for our own benefit.


Why do you think that they are lying to you? What damage have they done?
Why do you want to lose weight again? Plus why do you ask for an AP to lose weight? :confused:

I need to lose weight because I’m too fat… I don’t want to go into details in case I trigger someone.

I’ve only seen this team for a short while but they are living up to my expectations (which were low).

When I first started seeing them, they told me lots of nice things they would do for me like giving me an assigned psychiatrist, therapy, the right meds, personalised support, help getting back into employment etc. Now I have realised I am getting none of that. They just put everything down to “personality traits” which they can’t even identify and they even said they don’t think I have a personality disorder. So what is the point in them keep mentioning personality traits?

Now I just keep thinking what have I done wrong in my life to get all of these symptoms? If they are not an illness then it must be a punishment of some sort.
They are also planning to discharge me soon even though I was in hospital only a month ago and every week when my nurse comes, my mum tells her how worried she is about me because of things I have done.

I remember the signals wanted to make you starve to death. What is your body mass index?

I don’t know, I am too scared to weigh myself. I know I have gained a couple of kilos since then because I thought eating more food would improve my state but it hasn’t really. I was happier when I weighed less.

You should do it, you sound like an anorexic.

I think they think these aren’t pathological things.

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I think they might have gotten the idea that you are trying to fake it.
My approach to this at the time was to get myself to the worst possible mental and physical state I can, and then go through the diagnosis, there is nothing to fake this way and it is easy to observe that you are suffering, and if you really have an illness it makes the symptoms worse.
I guess it’s a bad advice and it may get my comment flagged, but it’s a useful one when it comes to getting the most stuff for your condition…

Sometimes ■■■■ happens for no reason. You haven’t done anything wrong to deserve this. You are a very lovely person. I know, I’ve talked to you.


Don’t worry, I had the same idea a couple of months ago.

Until I decided to try and recover. But I have only recovered physically, not mentally.

Thank you, you are very kind.

Some people think people like me make threats to not eat for ‘attention’. I love food, I want to eat it as I please. But here with this healthy body I am not taken seriously. When I have lost enough weight, I can say to my doctors/nurses: “Now do you believe me?” . How much will I have to lose to make them see I am struggling. My words are not enough :frowning:

So I will have to make my exterior like my interior.

You sound like you are just trying to ■■■■ yourself up to make a point. It’s not an attention seeking tactic, it’s a form of expression.

I’ve met people like that and not many people wanted to help them after they ■■■■■■ themselves up. I’ve done it as well and all it did was make the person mad that I was trying to make a point to.

Have you tried telling the doctors your plans outright?

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Well at least you’re not paranoid of neighbors. You’ve got that going.

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No, my neighbours are a man, a woman and a poodle. The woman sings opera and laughs like a seagull, the man laughs like a walrus and I never hear the poodle.

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Do they call you hoe?

I used to have an actual eating disorder but I started recovering from it a couple of months ago. But now I don’t see the point.

I’m going to tell them next week at my appointments. Not threaten them, just tell them that I feel like it has come to this.

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No, they’ve never called me anything.

Good. Quasall 151515