Disclaimer: This is just what I’m thinking now so please no hate or taking sides with my mental health team’s company/business.
At the end of most appointments, we leave on good terms but throughout the week, I start picking up on things that I didn’t see or process properly in the appointment, thinking about the consequences and how this is not good for me.
Hidden clues that I should have seen and on the spot be like NO but instead I realise when it’s too late. They have done the damage and I am a foolish fragile mind being taken advantage of, I am supposed to be intelligent, I am supposed to stop them but I can’t, because their company/business covers their tracks and gives them orders to lie to me.
I request the highest dose of my SSRI, sleeping pills, stronger anxiety meds and an AP that will make me lose weight please, but they do not do that… they do not listen to me, just tell me to meditate. Give me a plane ticket to Thailand and I will meditate. In this house there are too many memories of mental illness floating in the air entering and leaving my mind and body all the time so I cannot relax.
Thankyou I don’t think I will make sure that is the only way to phrase it. I’m going to try and get my life back on the forum. Today is the only way I can get away with having a lot of fun at the doctors and going to be able to get it then I ate like a fake British person because I have a propranalol tablet and some water in a couple of years
Why do you think that they are lying to you? What damage have they done?
Why do you want to lose weight again? Plus why do you ask for an AP to lose weight?
I’ve only seen this team for a short while but they are living up to my expectations (which were low).
When I first started seeing them, they told me lots of nice things they would do for me like giving me an assigned psychiatrist, therapy, the right meds, personalised support, help getting back into employment etc. Now I have realised I am getting none of that. They just put everything down to “personality traits” which they can’t even identify and they even said they don’t think I have a personality disorder. So what is the point in them keep mentioning personality traits?
Now I just keep thinking what have I done wrong in my life to get all of these symptoms? If they are not an illness then it must be a punishment of some sort.
They are also planning to discharge me soon even though I was in hospital only a month ago and every week when my nurse comes, my mum tells her how worried she is about me because of things I have done.
I don’t know, I am too scared to weigh myself. I know I have gained a couple of kilos since then because I thought eating more food would improve my state but it hasn’t really. I was happier when I weighed less.
I think they might have gotten the idea that you are trying to fake it.
My approach to this at the time was to get myself to the worst possible mental and physical state I can, and then go through the diagnosis, there is nothing to fake this way and it is easy to observe that you are suffering, and if you really have an illness it makes the symptoms worse.
I guess it’s a bad advice and it may get my comment flagged, but it’s a useful one when it comes to getting the most stuff for your condition…
Some people think people like me make threats to not eat for ‘attention’. I love food, I want to eat it as I please. But here with this healthy body I am not taken seriously. When I have lost enough weight, I can say to my doctors/nurses: “Now do you believe me?” . How much will I have to lose to make them see I am struggling. My words are not enough
You sound like you are just trying to ■■■■ yourself up to make a point. It’s not an attention seeking tactic, it’s a form of expression.
I’ve met people like that and not many people wanted to help them after they ■■■■■■ themselves up. I’ve done it as well and all it did was make the person mad that I was trying to make a point to.
Have you tried telling the doctors your plans outright?
No, my neighbours are a man, a woman and a poodle. The woman sings opera and laughs like a seagull, the man laughs like a walrus and I never hear the poodle.
