I’m tired of being so numb. I’m tired of people commenting in how I’m always smiling, even when times are bad.
I want to be able to show some human emotions, like anger, or to cry because I’m sad.
But I can’t. Not even when I’m alone.
I know it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up, but it’s like there’s a wall between me and my emotions, and I can’t break it down.
I’ve been sober for three years soon, and I remember when I started doing drugs. I did so because they made me FEEL something. They made me act on those feelings, I finally felt like I wasn’t an emotionally stunted robot.
I’m never going back to drugs, but I sometimes miss how they made me feel.
WHY is it so hard for me to be human?
Why can’t I allow myself to have emotions like a normal person?
I miss crying, sometimes I even miss getting angry. I also miss belly-laughing at funny things.
I don’t want to be like this.
Yeah it’s a hard cop. I still laugh and more often than not. I don’t cry or feel upset but I’ve that much antidepressant in my system I’m happy as Larry!
I got into drugs not because of feeling but because pot slowed down my brain. Gawd. I thought too much, too quickly, for way too long! It was exhausting to think so much and these days on a moderate dose of zyprexa I’m happy. I don’t go through all that rubbish although I may be a little plain when it comes to emotions…
It’s important. I’m not dissing you. Maybye talk to your shrink and adjust things if your doing well. You might be able to come down on a med and get some more emotion. It’s worth a conversation at least!
I doubt they’ll let me go down in dose, they just upped it a few weeks ago.
I had this problem before I was medicated too, so I doubt it’s medicine related.
It’s a curious concern. A lot of things were reported as symptoms long before the antipsychotics came on the market. It’s all a mess but it’s still worth the conversation…
I was pretty stable and tried abilify for example to get some better function. Made me a mess and I went back on zyprexa and way better. Probably not the time to change things if you’ve just gone up but don’t give up hope…
Wait till your stable and try hard at the little things. You’d be amazed how well I do after some exercise. It’s hard to do it…but doing it everyday is great for the mind! Try something different to get out of the rut. It’s easy just to passively wait for change with sz without engaging in things!
I was like that when I was living in an unstable and abusive environment. A few years in a healthy stable environment and I started doing much better. I was able to feel things. I didn’t need to rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms anymore.
If course now I’m back to really blunted emotions because if the meds, but at least I know it’s possible.
