Schizophrenia.com

I just found my son online

#1

I could never figure out why remote towns and villages were excluded from Facebook? They have their own facebook it seems, not part of the United States database. Because I used facebook here to search for him years ago. And it wasn’t until a friend of mine who was working in his country searched for him and came up with him and his grandma. I was sooo amazed, happy, tears of joy. Only picture I had of him prior was a 12 years old baby pic. I’d look at him every time I opened my wallet When I saw his updated picture, I could tell it was him instantly by his hair, his skin, his nose, just a handsome son.

When the illness struck me 12 years ago. I was incapable, non functioning, for years I knew I had a son, but I couldn’t do anything. Now 12 years later I am in recovery. Capable. Functioning. I have a destiny to meet my son in person. I just do not know where to begin what I have to say to him. You think I should apologize? What do I say to him? Its been one arduous journey. I cried my heart out earlier, as all the felt pain and suffering SZA caused over the years came full circle… life brought me to this new moment.

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#2

Don’t apologize. Just say “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

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#3

Agree with chordy. maybe let him take the lead…

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#4

Thank you for your replies.

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#5

I would apologize. I don’t think it really makes sense, but he was little and scared. He might not even know why you weren’t there. He might not even understand what sz can do. I would write him a nice long hand written letter. If the new picture in your wallet has taken the place of your old one, I would included the old picture for proof that you were thinking about him. Let him know how you carried it with you everywhere. The signs of wear should back you up. (Make sure to send that letter in the type of mail that requires a signature. That picture is precious. If you have any doubts he might get it don’t send it.) But I definitely do think that you need to enclose something. Some physical proof that you thought about him through all these years. It’s easy to say you missed him, but if you can back it up… well it will be harder for him to ignore.
I have known a lot of girls who were adopted and almost all of them want to meet their birth parents. He probably misses you too and has a lot of questions.
I just don’t think a quick facebook “hey, I’m your dad” is a good idea.

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#6

Apologies are not important. Nor is where you have been. What counts now is that you found him and you want to be a part of his life. Dad’s are so important, and it’s never too late be a father.
Make sure you show him the picture in your wallet and that he knows you have never forgotten him.

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#7

This is fantastic news. I remember on the older forum you were working hard to find him. I am so happy for you.

I don’t think you need to apologize. Giving him a chance to get to know you will help him understand why life happened the way it happened.

I do hope you get to see him in person very soon.

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#8

let him know you are here now…he will be thrilled to finally have you back

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#9

I am glad that you found your son. Sometimes the life takes unexpected turns. Personally I do not want to find anybody online. I do not think that you should apologize, because you could not do anything about your illness.It may take a longer time to get this new relationship going, but it is worth it, I suppose. There was a TV show in Finland in which people found again their loveones and went to see these after many years. It was interesting. I do not want to find anyody from my past.

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#10

You can start anew - don’t think of the past so much. It’s wonderful that you might be reconnecting with him

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#11

I am glad that you found your son back and your also in recovery,curse the illness…and I pray that everything will go well between you and your son

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#12

You all are like my online family and I really appreciate all of your replies. His mom asked how I was doing using a friends facebook account, I sent her a reply. Now just waiting for her reply back. I am so relieved that there is no hatred at all. Everything is moving forward with arms wide open - I listened to that Creed song earlier it brought me to tears. But thank you all for being there. I will continue to contribute what I can to the forum. Because recovery extends beyond my scope of the future. It will be interesting as to how my illness responds in another country, another culture!

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