Sometimes I feel like all my thoughts are just so negative and it bugs me, I actively try to think about other things but my worries consume me. It can feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole some days, like a toxic cloud hanging over me, however cliche that is.
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I just wanna feel creative again. I want to find comfort in an art or music project, but I just feel frustrated
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hi Froge, I’m Gene. I felt the same way for about… 20 years. Does it feel as though you are in water with the current pushing against you instead of with you?
I’ll do my darndest to explain how I got to open waters.
Yeah pretty much, though I’ve never thought of it that way
yes, I didn’t think of it that way until it was explained to me.
do you believe your negative thinking is internal or external? meaning is negative thinking your own or something else
My own. Usually. Sometimes it feels like people are inserting thoughts in my head, but not always
I didn’t mean other people inserting thoughts. That’s sz. My question is if your negative thinking is from outside stimuli, like the tv or someone talking (I’m trying to gauge your thought process vs mine)
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My own thoughts. No one around me is super negative or anything. Luckily
That’s good that your company doesn’t give symptoms.
Much of my sz was outside stimuli creating distress. I’d hear something, then would be thrown into the black hole as you described. It took me 20 years for my ears to adjust. Sounds weird but it was like I was conditioned to hear negatives- I couldn’t cross over my thinking into calm waters. Then, one day, I found myself experiencing ‘miracles.’ They may have been there all along but I couldn’t interpret them as anything other than shitty thoughts.
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What do you mean by miracles?
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It’s hard to explain. It’s as if a celestial being is accompanying you. This being helps you avoid pitfalls, helps you talk with the cashier at the market, and suddenly, the world isn’t so f’ed up.
I was a drug addict for 20 years. When I got sober, I started experiencing these mini miracles. This is when the water shifted.
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I wish you the best, Froge. Maybe one day, your negatives will turn into miracles and you won’t have to deal with this dumb disease. As your forum friend, I’m more than happy to answer anything about the illness. Godspeed!
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I worry my negative thoughts will make bad things happen to me. I tried positive thinking for a long time and had no success with my life improving.
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