I just dont know what is a normal state. Strange

Maybe i suffer without even realizing it now. But yes, what i know is that my state is not normal. Between my dulled emotions or the life, that i have, which is mostly dumb and inner in my head, it sux… most of my ill friends have periods when they are happy. Me, i am ill since kid and i find this strange. Or maybe i forgot that i was ok since kid, idk. But my problems came very early in my life. I try not to complain, but i went savage with my two decades of isolation… i had my reasons to isolate years ago. It was too much sorrow. I couldnt even walk or talk by sorrow or sometimes this dullness of the emotions. Gosh, i want so badly to feel normal. I am afraid my thinking is disabled :disappointed_relieved: . Is it so hard to recover on the thinking part? Tell me pls. Why my illness is so strange compared to others? Why i was unhappy since kid? Everybody here says sz happens in the twenties? Me, i am sick since kid, really…
Otherwise, what happened to farcry, people? Is he still on the forum?
Take care all

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