I just don't have the energy to fight

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I know that I didn’t choose to be sick. It wasn’t on my agenda.

But now I have a random physical issue, criticisms and anger about taking care of me has been expressed here and there.

I know that they still love me and all, but this has been going on for 5 years and I know that they just do it because they’re frustrated. I know that no one wants to take care of a sick person, I know that. I know that my condition causes them to pay for my treatment.

I want to tell them that I’m sorry for being ill, and I don’t want to be a burden. I want to tell them that what they’re telling me is hurting me, but I don’t have energy to say that. I don’t have the energy to say that I’m struggling with guilt. I don’t want to argue with my parents about it, and everytime I go into therapy my pdoc does nothing.

I feel very flat to every single criticism and anger thrown at me for being sick. I don’t even care about me getting hurt. I don’t care about myself. I just know that I need to just…absorb it and be done with it.

I just don’t have the energy to fight for my mental health anymore. I’m tired.

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I know what you are going through is hard but you can’t give up on your mental health. It’s worth fighting for. It must be so hard to have both a physical and psychological disability to deal with and have no family support. I wish your therapist at least was supportive. That would be a big help right there.

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I just don’t have the energy to tell my family that what they’re saying is hurting me. I just don’t find it worthwhile. I’ve tried telling them.

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Hey keep fighting!

I don’t want to offend you, I don’t mean to…

But

I was watching Paralympics and this Asian girl who had a physical disability that keeps deteriorating… she reminded of you…

But she won the gold medal!!!

When they were playing her country’s national anthem, she looked so serious with tears in her eyes, not because she was happy, I presume, but she actually look terrified!!

She looked like she is going to die!

I think she was scared of herself, and in disbelief that she won the friggen gold medal!!

I mean her muscles gets worse every day!

She was terrified of her possibility.

I don’t think that she thought she could do it… to go into Paralympics with disability, and be the best in the world!!!

You can do it!!

Don’t give up.

You can do anything

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