I Just Don't Feel As Sharp As I Used To

I’m 29 and recently had my first delusional (no voices, no hallucinations) episode (August 29-5 and off and on for a day throughout September). I was diagnosed with MDD and Psychosis but I have a sinking suspicion that it’s just too soon to call it anything else…The onset was sudden, like a switch went off. Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point of this thread is this: I feel that I am unable to carry on a fluid conversation like I used to. I’m not dealing with voices or delusions or anything like that, I just feel kind of limited in my speech, my ability to contribute fresh ideas, and respond to the ideas of others. My “spark” has gone M.I.A. So far, I’m able to get by in society, I still care about my appearance, drive, run errands, work independently as an artist. So, I’m “passing” as normal… but I avoid real conversations because I feel limited.

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal? Could this just be an aftershock of the episode and perhaps my ability to talk will come back?

Note: Initially, I was on Risperdal and some anti-depressant that put me to sleep… Now, I’m on Wellbutrin and was taking Abilify until about five days ago because I told the doc that I thought it was causing my lack of zest. He gave me permission to stop the Abilify.

I type and write 100% better then I speak. I’ve been in therapy to get better. I’ve taken speech classes too. When I first started really getting bad, there was so much traffic in my head, it was hard to get any words out in a coherent manner. It’s still bad, but with meds, therapy, practice I’ve gotten better. Plus, the kid sis says it’s also a matter of confidence. She seems to think I sound Ok most of the time. Luck for family.

I to am limited when talking to some other people. I talk a lot to family who knows me and understands my point of reference. But new people? I clam up. I too can still drive, work, and “pass” in a way. But it seems like a lot of my cognitive ability has in fact slipped away over the years. I’m working on getting it back. Oddly enough, I think it’s working. Good luck…

The symptom that you are currently suffering from is called alogia. It is a symptom usually found among those with schizophrenia.

Alogia takes away a person’s ability to hold a normal conversation.

Alogia is a negative symptom of schizophrenia. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia are difficult to treat.

“ive found tho nicotine helps me to think and talk easier”

I have been working to give up smoking. I’m holding at 3 smokes a day. I’m afraid what language ability’s I’ve gained will fade with no nicotine. I want to try this and see how it goes.

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I have been wondering about the whole matter of confidence thing… I feel so traumatized by my episode that I’m just sort of shut down… and really, it’s all I’ve been able to discuss for the past two months.

I refuse to back down easy with this thing. I’m trying to make sure that I stay plugged in with my friends and that I continue to show up for life.

Today, I slept in very late… but I got up, dolled up, and went to the library at my alma mater where I worked in Adobe to design a new business card and logo for my art studio. I had a great deal of exchanges with the general public and am now feeling quite overstimulated… it feels like my brain and face is tingling. In the words of Seinfeld, What’s the deal with that?!

I do not smoke.

“I feel so traumatized by my episode that I’m just sort of shut down… and really, it’s all I’ve been able to discuss for the past two months.”

It’s very traumatizing when an episode breaks. It feels so horrible and out of control. It’s got huge amounts of deep panic around the edges. I understand the need to talk it out.

Congratulations for getting up and facing that hard day head on. Having that sort of strength is an accomplishment. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space when you need it.

Thanks for all the support, everyone.
I went out last night and had a great time with a friend and then went to an AA meeting (I’m in recovery and have been since 09.) I shared in the meeting, talked with people who have been wondering where I was and went out with a friend.
Finding these message boards has been a tremendous help for me.

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Yeah, Ive been going to AA, CA, and NA since 1990. Well actually I first attended meetings a couple years before that but I was going to meetings and still using in between. I got serious finally and I have had continuous sobriety since January 1st 1990.

23 years sober… congratulations. :smile:

I look forward to someday being able to say that myself. I’m only on year 4.

I am so glad you posted this! I thought it was just me. I feel like i cant carry a conversation either. I feel like I sound like an idiot and I also feel like I interrupt a lot. I rarely have a good vocabulary like I used to and when I contribute its only like 1 sentence. Its frustrating.