I just can't start doing things 🧠

I sleep about 8 hours at night (and i have healthy sleep regime).
So that means i’m wake 16 hours.

And i manage to do absolutely nothing in that 16 hours. Nothing. I sit in front of my laptop all day long, trying to read at least something. Now i have about 20 tabs opened. And million bookmarked articles and stuff I LIKE and WANT to read. I’ve tried courses online i like dearly, I’ve tried going back to school, I’ve tried fitness, I’ve tried…

I simply can’t decide to start activity, I’m paralyzed, I can’t organize my day! I feel some kind of blockade toward starting an activity. I have zero drive and zero motivation. Nothing excites me.

And then there are cognitives. My memory is so poor, now I’m wondering are memories been created at all. That makes reading futile. Not to mention that I forgot my past almost completely, my life is gone. I run through life headless. Memory isn’t my only problem…

I have some socialization now, for which I’m grateful because I’ve been alone for a decade. But there are problems too. I can’t think of a story to tell, can’t follow when others are having fun. Not poor rapport, but horrible one.

I was recommended some tricks by psychologist to get something going in my life. Those tricks don’t work for me. I’ve managed to do hygiene at least, but sometimes i slip there too. Tianeptine helps a bit, I can now finish activities when i start them. Mostly.
Which is great, because i had anhedonia so strong i couldn’t get back home once when i tried walking in the forest. I couldn’t force myself to make steps forward, nor i could sit down, nor scream even, like i lost ability to act. I stopped and couldn’t figure out what to do. Then i made step after step, like a robot, and it was literally painful for me.
I still do things like a robot (hygiene and stuff others ask me to do), but at least it’s not painful anymore.

Does anybody recognizes him/herself in this? Is this negatives and cognitives?
I’m starting to think i have disorganized sz, not paranoid.

My pdoc have no time for me. I keep telling her I’m stable, but nonfunctional. And she tells me openly she can’t help. She’s just being honest, i know.

I’m trying and i will keep trying. But how? What to do next? I have some meds and noots in mind, but I’ll have to wait for that (money, blah).
What else?

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I think you need to reach out to a doctor/a therapist/a family member that HAS time for you and your troubles…
Your troubles are worthwhile and you are worth it!

I don’t know exactly what can help, and I can’t relate to most of what you said… But it sounds like a professional should look into your case and see what can help…

Hope you have money for this as these things can be expensive…

Cheers mate… Hope you see better days soon!

Follow your heart

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You just need kind of medication that empower you

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You are both right. Thank you for cheering me up.

I will ask psychologist at local hospital if she can help somewhat. It’s free for me.

And i will ask pdoc for duloxetine, as i think it will me give enough energy and sharpness to move me. Brute force.

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I think my illness is milder but I do things like a robot too, I think no one can help us; at least I can play some videogames and pace back and forth.

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Bro, happens to me too. Skipped overtime today cz I was unproductive and numb. My past memories are painful except that I couldn’t remember what happen when I tried committing suicide in 2013. Things gone bad that time and I couldnt help complaining my life. I need to take medication to my restlessness and I do have improvement.

You need to take control of your life and be strong. Seek help if you need and improve day by day.

there’s a point where you have to fight for what you need or want out of your life. if you need new or different medication, demand if from your pdoc.

just say look, I’m not feeling happy or what not and i need something to change.

immediately after I told my pdoc i was feeling down, she sensed the seriousness and prescribed me my wellbutrin. that medication has been monumental in making me happy and productive like a normal , successful human.

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I agree that you need to talk to someone. There needs to be a catalyst for change, and it can be as easy as you speaking up for yourself. You doctors/ therapists don’t know what’s going on if you don’t tell them.

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I somewhat relate to this, only on a much lesser scale… I agree with @Happy_H you should talk with the people that are there to help you

I hear you.

Its so hard to get moving ( Avolition). I have to break things down into micro steps to get anything done. It’s more troubling/disabling than hearing voices for me.

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yo i got this exactly!!! i think its executive dysfunction, ive never been able to start ANYTHING, like i love movies but starting them like. PAINS me, so id consider it being that if i was u!

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my friends who are not ill are worse than this… its laziness i think

It’s very different from laziness.
Laziness you don’t feel like doing much.
Avolition, you WANT to do things but every bone in your body doesn’t want to move. It’s like pushing against a brick wall.
Sometimes just making a coffee is an accomplishment

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hm that is really bad… that sometimes happens to me but with talking… someone asks me a question then i have like few minutes of silence in my head like i am blocked and then i can speak…like someone is stoping me to speak

Sounds like thought blocking or blank mind

This is what avolition is

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Some might assume these things are due to a person’s laziness or irresponsibility. But people with avolition don’t have the ability to act. In a sense, it’s like being paralyzed by apathy or the inability to anticipate or experience the rewards of performing a task. In contrast, laziness may be considered a willful act of a person who doesn’t have a mental health disorder.

something like this yeah

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Nobody believes me, but I will try to say it anyway, this is due to high lack of dopamine, Invega Sustenna stole my will to live, my motivation to do things, my emotions, my libido.
You can’t just shut the dopaminergic pathways and expect to have a normal life… don’t tell me these are negative symptoms, before Invega my life was good, now I am four months off and thing are slowly improving…

I had this even before meds, but they did worsen ahhedonia.

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