I just can't see it

It’s a real challenge. I think it is all that’s left. To see the world without telepathy. I’m just so used to the idea that everyone is constantly reading my mind. Most of the time I don’t believe it’s true, but it’s the time that I do believe that my reality seems complete.

I definitely don’t want to live with this hallucination for the rest of my life. I just need reassurance constantly.

While this is still going on I’ve gotten a lot better at seeing both worlds. They are independent of each other. In the real world no one gives a ■■■■. In my head though everyone is watching.

Over time I’ve sort of rebuilt my filter and my thoughts aren’t as haywire or corrupt as they were in the second year of psychosis.

I’m getting closer to being my old self again.

Such a waiting game.

Only time will tell.

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stop listening start talking! You are the one that is supposed to be in control.

Maybe then you’ll see how much bs it is and stop wasting your time… Idk I just had to be like It’s not worth it…

Someday you’ll see don’t worry.

You have to grow up.

Guess I don’t have a choice.

how delusional perception worked was was like my delusional perception is like a habit I had to break the habbit.

try breaking the habbit whatever that may be.

Think of your delusion like a bad habbit you know it’s wrong and not real but why are you still thinking about it?

Don’t think about double meanings!

Hey don’t be hard on yourself you’re aware that your thinking delusional that’s the first part you’re half way there. Now you just have to make a change. Be greatful most aren’t as aware as you. c:

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well that was hardly supportive boys!

don’t worry bryan, you’ll get all the support you need from your parents i’m sure and i’m always around if you need me. if i’m not here you can find me on facebook under jayne beal, same avatar from hythe, southampton, uk.

it’s ok to question whether the voices are real. i’ve done it and still do on occasion. but i know from looking at research that there is not a whole lot to support the idea at the present time. in the future? who knows what the brain is capable of, but i’m talking 50-100 years into the future. i liken it to man’s ability to walk and run. there is only so much speed a man can reach because of the limitations of the body. he can run but he cannot run as fast as a car. psychic phenomena may well exist but whether it could be trained to be of any use is questionable at this point in time. personally i don’t think it can. lunaseer likes to cite the stargate programme as proof of psychic phenomena but to be honest for the amount of test they ran, under questionable conditions i might add, the hit rate wasn’t very good and the guy that ran it will not let anybody see the data of these experiments which leaves me in serious doubt of their scientific validity.
i personally have had what you may term psychic experiences in the past but i wouldn’t put any stock in them unless they were repeated thousands of times in a lab under double blind conditions. as you and i are well aware, sometimes our brain’s cannot be trusted to make sense of reality so whether i just wanted my experiences to be psychic so convinced myself they were i don’t know. like you said, you thought long and hard about telepathy before you started hearing voices and it may have been those very thoughts that precipitated you hearing those voices. likewise for myself. i was always interested in paranormal phenomena since i was a kid. add hypnotic, physical and sexual abuse and drugs to that mix and lo and behold here i am hearing voices that pertain to telepathic. personally i don’t believe they are but they swear blind that they are. i no longer hear the voices of all of the people around me but i have done in the past and probably will again in the future. but as far as the general public are concerned i will never believe that they are telepathic again. you know i even got to thinking that i was the last human being alive on planet earth at one stage, it freaked me out that much. everywhere i went all i could hear the people say was that i was a terrible person, that they wanted to rape me, torture me, kill me, set my ghost on fire, bury me alive etc. it was awful. even my neighbours were “in on it” but it wasn’t real. i fell for that one about 3 times i think in total. though i don’t think i would ever fall for it again. now i am left with a few voices pertaining to be telepathic that talk all the time and another about 190 or so that hardly speak at all. when they do it’s in support of the main ones telling me i am a terrible person and that they hate me for supposed misdeeds in another future but it’s just a basic persecution complex. the only difference between this and the last ones is supposed physical “evidence”. yours picked on your sexuality, mine picked on my achillies heel too. but it’s ■■■■.
the way i see it is like this, if everyone around me were telling me only in my head that they were telepathic and that they all hated me, this time around i would have to suppose that it’s just my mind doing very good impressions of all i come into contact with becaus i know for a fact that it’s not true. case in point. tonight i was talking with a friend and lo and behold my voices started doig spot on impressions of her saying really nasty things to me in my mind. if i were easily lead i would’ve believed that was her but i’m not anymore, at all. they did it the other day with my husband’s best friends all saying that they hated me, that i was a bitch etc but it’s simply not true at all. i do not believe for a second that my neighbours are secret telepaths or that my late husband’s friends are telepaths. my neighbours and i get on well as do my husband’s friends and i and i will not allow this telepathy mindset to exist in my life. i may well argue back to the voices in my head but i will not, i refuse to believe they are real. they are just splinter selves doing impressions of those i hate and those i love. so don’t lock yourself away hunni. get out there and communicate with people face to face as hey cannot hear your thoughts. i know it’s tough but you can do it. every time you hear one of them talk in your head just dismiss it. don’t censor your thoughts. think of anything you like safe in the knowledge that no one an hear you. hope this helps. much love, jayne


Another part of that is acceptance, Sometimes I want to get back to my old self but in reality I know it just will never happen.

Thanks Jayne. I’ll keep fighting this.

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I found I had to go ahead with what I had. When the psychosis dies down, you are calmer, but something is always coming up, some unwanted thought or other, some new symptom, something difficult. You learn from going through a psychosis.