Awoke from a lucid hypnagogic experience. I was back in school and was looking for my class schedule. I went to a counselor and she was helping me and then double took me. She said something like, “Do you see a doctor? Because I can see x, y, z (I forget) symptoms on you.” I was caught off guard but in the dream I knew it was true.
Then, like my first episode, I started reliving past experiences and “making connections” like a movie character does when they realize “everything has been a lie.” Both my mom and step mom had admitted they thought my dad had a spectrum disorder but I feel I can now see whatever it is, he is probably sz prone. He never drank or used drugs though so avoided a mental break.
Regardless, I was spiraling down in the dark of my room. I felt it creeping up. I sat up and turned on the lights and did all I could to remain present. Which was flip up my laptop and come here. Thank you all for being here and communicating regularly. I am so scared of all this, scared of meds I will need to take, scared of never being the same. Scared of weight gain and other side effects. Scared of a future of doctors and appointments. But this experienced helped me to accept it.
What is crazy is after my Seroquel experience, my clonazepam now has paradoxical effects. I become twitchy and there is minimal sedation. I may take an eighth of a pill before work. All my symptoms are nearly gone during the day time so I should be ok. I am going to get ready and take my dog out. You guys really are helping others and each one of you is very important and I need you.