Schizophrenia.com

I just almost had a second episode. I see doc in two days

Awoke from a lucid hypnagogic experience. I was back in school and was looking for my class schedule. I went to a counselor and she was helping me and then double took me. She said something like, “Do you see a doctor? Because I can see x, y, z (I forget) symptoms on you.” I was caught off guard but in the dream I knew it was true.

Then, like my first episode, I started reliving past experiences and “making connections” like a movie character does when they realize “everything has been a lie.” Both my mom and step mom had admitted they thought my dad had a spectrum disorder but I feel I can now see whatever it is, he is probably sz prone. He never drank or used drugs though so avoided a mental break.

Regardless, I was spiraling down in the dark of my room. I felt it creeping up. I sat up and turned on the lights and did all I could to remain present. Which was flip up my laptop and come here. Thank you all for being here and communicating regularly. I am so scared of all this, scared of meds I will need to take, scared of never being the same. Scared of weight gain and other side effects. Scared of a future of doctors and appointments. But this experienced helped me to accept it.

What is crazy is after my Seroquel experience, my clonazepam now has paradoxical effects. I become twitchy and there is minimal sedation. I may take an eighth of a pill before work. All my symptoms are nearly gone during the day time so I should be ok. I am going to get ready and take my dog out. You guys really are helping others and each one of you is very important and I need you.

Hey! We’re here. How are you doing now?

some personal experiences. seroquel almost hurt me once when they tried to make me take 400mgs. still very upset about that. I hate seroquel. also somehow listening to your own head like from the periphery in, not to anything ‘external’ thoughtwise is helping and possibly just for the reason that it gets free of external influence delusions. and getting free of all past religi0n beliefs has really helped me in particular holy communion a belief in prayer faith or any type of imagined deity. somehow I think even past involvement of thinking in weird ways like childhood prayers is involved or childhood fears of god or evil or whatever they lie about to scare children. even a belief in fairies and wood sprites would seemingly lead to delusions of this nature and it seems important to get free of even PAST involvement as it seems progressive. like being a non believer that thought has any special characteristics like the ability to talk to ‘gods’ or whatever all seems to cause unnatural ways therefor imbalanced ways of thinking. and strong beliefs in particular will really make someone delusional. I think your head can almost switch gears though from a background in ‘spiritual’ thought to natural thought and natural thought somehow gets thoughts back to normal. also focus on normal human communication and having friends seems to switch the focus especially if very involved or interested. some things that got me well again from delusional thought.

Thanks, Alice. I’m good now. Getting ready to take my dog out she is staring at me begging because I started a YouTube binge. Work is in 1.5 hours and I feel I will be fine. I took a fish oil capsule last night which I realize actually intoxicates me which exasperates my anxieties. I will not be taking any more vitamins and hopefully I can get a few hours decent sleep later. WIsh I didn’t have to go to work but it’s a good thing. Doggy is staring daggers. I’ll be back later. Thank you everybody

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