I hope this helps someone

So last night we had a large windstorm that went through the area. I thought we might lose power (I was right) so I got some things ready, just in case. I shut down my computer and unplugged it and made sure I had some electric lanterns available.

Around 1AM we lost power. I woke up immediately because my fan went off that I use to drown out noise and my two youngest woke up. I hopped out of bed and put one of the electric lanterns on one of their dressers and explained the situation. I said I would not remove the light even if the lights came back on. They quickly went to sleep. Then it was my turn.

I’m pretty new so if you don’t know, I have a set number of things that I do to reduce the number and intensity of my hallucinations. Some of them require power (like making extraneous noise). I noticed that I only got one of the lamps so I needed to walk down the hallway to check for the other. I nearly ran into Marina (she’s a “ghost” seemingly that I have hallucinated in that area) but I had other things to focus on so I slipped past her saying, “Excuse me.” under by breath. I couldn’t find the other light so I had to back down the hallway to get back to my bed. Marina wasn’t there this time.

So I had to try to sleep without my normal distractions. To do this, I have a procedure. I have a heavy blanket that presses down on me (it helps to feel something all over me that is real to cut down on my mind putting sensations where I don’t feel anything). Sometimes I will anyway (like last night I felt spiders on my leg but the heavy blanket means I can just move my leg a little to scratch that area.) I pull that blanket over my eyes and shut my eyes tight so my mind can’t use the shadows in the room to make more hallucinations. In this way, if I see anything, I know it isn’t real. So then all I have to do is focus on sounds.

It was really windy so there were intense and strange sounds mixed with intense silence, not great for me. I heard the rain, gusts of wind, some things smashing against the house, dripping water inside my room, clanging chains, a wind chime, footsteps and other things. I had to try to make sure to keep myself calm and pull apart was is probably real and probably not. It’s difficult and if something seems like it needs my attention, I have to get up and check it out without waking anyone. Last night, the only thing I did check on was the kids. Whenever I thought they were making sounds, I had to check on them. I was right about half the time. This went on the rest of the night 1AM - 7:30AM my time. When there was light out, I realized that the other lamp I was looking for was right next to my bed. I should have been able to notice it. When I was first getting used to Marina, I would have thought she put it there. I know she isn’t real but giving her a name just makes her easier to deal with and talk about.

Needless to say, I’m pretty tired right now and I wasn’t sure I should post this but I thought that it might have some tricks that some people can use to help get themselves through times like these. I’m not even sure if this is the right section to put this in but the moderators can correct me later if not.

Again. I hope this helps someone.

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Oh, I should also add that this might have sounded like it went off without a hitch. It did not. I should have added this earlier but, like I said, I’m really tired right now.

When going through the sounds, I was slipping in and out of a dream state and I was starting to lose focus. I have a friend that has volunteered herself as a support person. I can call or text her at any time. Calls will wake her up. Texts will not.

I texted her a few times letting her know that I was having trouble and why. Just being able to feel like I was communicating with her made me feel better. In the texts, I included that I was not sure if these were dream texts or not. In the morning, when she woke up, she checked in on me. If you don’t have a support person, I would highly recommend getting one if you can. They can be invaluable for grounding yourself. I could have called her but I only do that (I’ve done it twice before) when I’m in full panic mode. I was only in slight panic mode last night. :pensive:

We don’t allow discussion of the abortion debate here @mister_lister . It’s a banned topic.

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