I bent over today and my front left side of my body began to hurt very badly, it cramped and kept doing it for awhile.
I felt it and there is a big lump where it was hurting and cramping, i compared it to the other side and yeah there is a large lump that should not be there.
I smiled at it and hoped that it was time to go finally.
Any time spent on earth is to long.
Have it checked out.
Nah, i don’t need to, i want out, and i want out bad.
Im going to let it fester if it’s anything at all.
And i hope it kills me.
Ill let it fester and if it gets bad i can just go die with plenty of morphine in me.
I’ve waited so long.
And i just can’t keep knowing about all of the kids getting raped, just thinking about that shyte is going to give me an aneurysm.
Nope, i need out, and honestly wish that i had never had to look at this place.
May it be destroyed.
It could just have been a muscle that was in spasm. I had a lump like that under my chin that started suddenly and hurt. I was gone later. Maybe you need to talk to a counsellor. Your doctor might know where you can get some for free. Or possibly a support group of some kind. Find a way to help others even if it’s small. Put out a bird feeder. Take up a hobby. Learn to crochet. If you’ve never done it before it will be an adventure. Start with a scarf and give it to someone you really care about. Be grateful for the little things like a good cup of coffee and enjoy every sip like you would if you never had the luxury of a good coffee because some poor soul in this world hasn’t.
i hope you find peace what ever the out come .
take care
pls go and see your doctor for both the lump and your suicidle ideation things CAN get better.
even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Your comments were exactly where I was 8 years ago. No one was going to talk me out of it, No one, I wanted out big time.
I am so lucky I did not go, since then I have recovered extremely well, had 2 beautiful kids and life is pretty good.
I feel like I was given a second chance.
Take care
I couldn’t imagine life ever being good. I hope the after-life, if there is an after-life, is a lot better than this. Although I hope there isn’t an after-life at all. Life is just a “prison for your mind.”
pansdisease ! oh come one ! are really going to leave us, I won’t allow it, even that I can’t do much from here 
…You really should at least know where are you standing, I’m sure that if you went to tho doctor and have it checked out it will be a disappointment for you because you will stay here with us, and you won’t go anywhere, life is ahead of you. We never achieve happiness, but we have the right to pursuit it…this is your sz talking ! … I think you’ll wake up in the morning and say what a stupid idea I had yesterday. brighten up.
For ■■■■■ sake! If u wanted to die that badly ud just kill urself. Don’t b an attention who’re. Man the ■■■■ up and embrace life. Take up a hobby, go walking, feed the birds, get a pet. Anything that gives u a sense of love and being loved in return. I had a boyfriend with bipolar. He didn’t talk about wanting to die. He just checked himself onto a psyche ward and hung himself from the nearest tree. People who r serious about killing themselves don’t talk about it in case someone stops them. They just do it. So man upand embrace life. IIt’s there for the taking. Develop urself. Learn to love urself. U r not a bad person and nobody deserves what we go through on a daily basis. But we’re still here, still fighting. U can do this. Sorry to sound harsh but if u were serious about dying u wouldn’t b telling everyone about it. Embrace life and life will embrace u back. U have friends here. Offload if u want to but don’t threaten suicide to people who care about u. It’snot fair. If ur meds aaren’t working then go back to ur proc and sort it out. Get on an anti-d that works. Give it time to work. Get some exercise.everyday. that will lift ur moodno end. U think iI don’t suffer? Ur wrong. I have 200 different voices all against me and it sucks but I say ■■■■ uto them. II’m going to live my life by my rules not theirs. I deserve to b happy and so do u. So get back to ur pdoc and get this sorted. I’m telling u this for ur benefit. If u do get this sorted one day Ull look back and say thank god I didn’t do it. Look at me now. Isn’t that preferable than just waiting to die? Good luck. Xxx
As I said no one was going to change my mind but I did the following:
Saw a good psychiatrist
Found the right medication (abilify)
Exercise everyday
Try and eat right, I eat right about 85% of the time.
Sorted depression out with help of psychologist
Why don’t you try to do some of my suggestions?