The forum members of this message board are more receptive, so I decided to write down what I am feeling right now and post it online, because I care what you think.
For a long time, I suffered from emotional abuse. There were several reasons: Partly due to my own suspicious thinking, partly due to my family background, and partly due to my appearance.
Appearance: Enlarged breast and face make me look not like genuine male. People often ask among themselves as to whether I am a male or a female. Some of them would make comment “It’s muscle… No, it’s breast.” As for family background and suspicious thinking are rather self-explanatory.
Because of emotional wound, I tried many times to protect my true feelings and thinking. I have succeeded now to at least fake my identity. Although I feel calm and easy now, I have to face the responsibilities and possible consequences.
I am sorry to hear that. If that makes you feel any better I am a female who used to be taken for a male. I had no breasts and wore short hair and not only once strangers talk to me as a “he”… I had a breast enlargement done, heh, believe it or not, all of the sudden I became attractive. This world is so shallow that it’s despicable. But at least I have achieved what I wanted: became invisible, no more nasty comments… Maybe you can do sth about your appearance? Exercise, some tight vests… people are obsessed about looks. But this is the world we live in… take care and don’t let others poisonous comments to destroy you. It’s says more about them than about yourself…
Are you in therapy? I remember in high school not having a clear male/female identity. I would be reminded when someone referred to me as “her” or “she”. Oh, yeah, they can see I’m a girl… But I didn’t feel it. Even now it doesn’t matter to me. I’m a woman, I’m married to a man, but it doesn’t matter really what my gender is. And it matters even less what other people think. Be who you are in the best and truest way you can. Forget about male or female and just be your healthiest self.