Im processing why i have so many mental health issues and why its so severe now
TW violence trauma
Timeline of events is important.
When i was 4 my mom found out my dad cheated on her on their wedding day. All i remember is suddenly i was being taken away from my dad and he was crying and hugged me. My mom took us to another mans house. It was weird. Trauma.
When i was 5 they had gotten back together and i had a new more severe trauma that haunts me still. I remember my mom going insane one day and hurt my dad so bad right in front me as i screamed at her to stop. I saw blood.
From there i devwloped ocd. My first one was continuous swallowing because i felt like id drown. I think my dtomach was constantly nauseous necause thats how i experience nausea now. I developed social anxiety at school too. I still excelled at school but had no friends. I was the teachers pet and an adult aid valled me her shadow bdcause i clung to her.
Fast forward 5 years and i started believing my mom was replaced by a robot.
Fast forward two years and im depressed, withdrawn, suicidal and self harming. My parents were still fighting this whole time. It became a weekly occurance. No one at school liked me suddenly and i felt my mom suddenly pull away from me when i hit puberty. I had to start teaching myself everything. I barely saw my parents.
Fast forward 4 years and im 16 getting groomed by a 23 year old who was my guitar teacher and we began a relationship. Hw cheated on me the whole time and broke up with me right after i graduated high school and left me for another 16 year old at my school. He cheated on me with my “best friend” many times. I was living with him because i was desperate to get out of my parents house. I moved back home, became depressed, lost a crap ton of weight.
Now im in college and ill stop there.
Im jsut processing all my major childhood traumas. It really tracks that im this severely. My earliest memoriss are traumas. I have a lot more positive memories with my dog than my parents. And now shes passing soon so im being reminded of all of this. Im struggling.
Thanks for reading