I’m afraid of being re-evaluated. I’m afraid I’ll be looked at as if there’s nothing wrong with me when I can’t express what’s wrong or right anymore. I have run out of Abilify and the more I take it the more OCD I become. I start to have insomnia, my ears ring, I hear voices and I gain weight. I’m prescribed medicine that gives me insomnia, so it’s making me irritable.
My psychiatrist has been pushing Hydroxizine on me. He won’t prescribe anything for depression although I’ve requested months apart at each appointment. He referred me to seeing a psychologist and to fast/check my blood sugar etc. It’s upsetting. I’m starting to get really depressed and all he’s doing is pushing Hydroxizine and Abilify on me which are not working, or other medicines that I specifically say don’t work. He’s acting like I am taking myself off all my medication. It’s getting upsetting. He’s taking a week to approve my refills which are also putting me on edge. My parents are acting insane, brainwashed, and guilt tripping me non stop about not having a job. I was fired from mcdonalds after doing slave labor breakfast for a week.
I am so tired of being treated like this. I’m struggling finding a reason to care about anyone who never cared or knew or understood who I was. I say I want to finish college, they say it’s not worth it get a job. I say I want to paint a picture, they say don’t waste your money. I own nothing. NOTHING IS MINE AND I’M DEPRESSED. I am treated like I horrible fat lazy slob because I can’t find work and I’m doped up on anti-psychotics, then objectified for not getting them sent in which is the doctor’s fault, refused any source of income other than my parent’s. I have never received living assistance, but I’m threatened to be kicked out and I just feel like in a hostile environment all the time no matter what I can’t live this way I am a CARING PERSON AND A HUMANIST. I don’t give a ■■■■ about democrat or republican politics. I just want to have something that I call my own. I am sick of being afraid.
It’s just one thing after another. Everyone has it in the bank but me. I am apparently not crazy enough to get any sort of help. I hate this mind set. If I was a hypocrite I’d say that in some places, socialism could work if the people weren’t so blind. Where is the sense of honor. I am starting to wonder who the real cowards are. It’s only been 100 years since charity was acceptable and not frowned upon. Don’t forget that the colonists have waged an endless war for profit.