I have to be re-evaluated

I’m afraid of being re-evaluated. I’m afraid I’ll be looked at as if there’s nothing wrong with me when I can’t express what’s wrong or right anymore. I have run out of Abilify and the more I take it the more OCD I become. I start to have insomnia, my ears ring, I hear voices and I gain weight. I’m prescribed medicine that gives me insomnia, so it’s making me irritable.

My psychiatrist has been pushing Hydroxizine on me. He won’t prescribe anything for depression although I’ve requested months apart at each appointment. He referred me to seeing a psychologist and to fast/check my blood sugar etc. It’s upsetting. I’m starting to get really depressed and all he’s doing is pushing Hydroxizine and Abilify on me which are not working, or other medicines that I specifically say don’t work. He’s acting like I am taking myself off all my medication. It’s getting upsetting. He’s taking a week to approve my refills which are also putting me on edge. My parents are acting insane, brainwashed, and guilt tripping me non stop about not having a job. I was fired from mcdonalds after doing slave labor breakfast for a week.

I am so tired of being treated like this. I’m struggling finding a reason to care about anyone who never cared or knew or understood who I was. I say I want to finish college, they say it’s not worth it get a job. I say I want to paint a picture, they say don’t waste your money. I own nothing. NOTHING IS MINE AND I’M DEPRESSED. I am treated like I horrible fat lazy slob because I can’t find work and I’m doped up on anti-psychotics, then objectified for not getting them sent in which is the doctor’s fault, refused any source of income other than my parent’s. I have never received living assistance, but I’m threatened to be kicked out and I just feel like in a hostile environment all the time no matter what I can’t live this way I am a CARING PERSON AND A HUMANIST. I don’t give a ■■■■ about democrat or republican politics. I just want to have something that I call my own. I am sick of being afraid.

It’s just one thing after another. Everyone has it in the bank but me. I am apparently not crazy enough to get any sort of help. I hate this mind set. If I was a hypocrite I’d say that in some places, socialism could work if the people weren’t so blind. Where is the sense of honor. I am starting to wonder who the real cowards are. It’s only been 100 years since charity was acceptable and not frowned upon. Don’t forget that the colonists have waged an endless war for profit.

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Hang in there and keep trying. Maybe you could try a different med if the one you have doesn’t work for you. My parents want me to get a job(we’ll see if the current one falls through or not it is a long story). You could just remind them that it is difficult getting a job in this economy. If you want to go to college maybe you could try to convince your parents to help you. Maybe you could work part-time to pay for it. Most of this are kind of like intermediate goals though and so the first couple of steps like looking for a job could help. I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice on SSI as they just completely ignored me everytime I tried to talk to them about my schizophrenia.

Have you tried going to another doctor?
I wonder why he would push meds that you say aren’t helping. Another opinion might help.

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Perhaps try getting a 2nd opinion from another pdoc like other people have stated.

Have you ever considered moving away from your parents to a new location? When I was in my late teens/early 20’s I had similar issues with my parents. I moved out of state for 8 years and have finally moved back. It has dramatically improved our relationship. I guess we took each other for granted while we lived together.

If you move to a new city, then you’ll have to get a new pdoc, so both problems will be solved at the same time. Just my 2c.

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I just took some 5-HTP and had to drive my bf to the hospital and then passed out at the wheel and had to pull over. That’s how much stress I feel. To be told that if I complain of a side effect that is somehow implied treatment resistant when I’m almost 28 is ■■■■■■■■ I’m so done.