Schizophrenia.com

I have the 'cure', however, reality remains

I have found the ‘cure’ to my disability. Although, I do wish it wasn’t found anymore…
It seems that people are either ‘afraid’ of me, or simply do not ‘care’ at all.
I hear that it’s often recgonize as people will not understand, and because of that, are scared and do not know what to do. However, because of going through this. That’s purely ‘wrong’. That’s like not accepting someone, that’s like throwing somebody away because there is something you dislike about them or hate. However, it gets worst than just that.

Nobody ever talks to me, simply, leaving me on the outskirts of it all.
How lonely it feels, being here…
When I make new people and welcome them. Do I tell them of this? Or, keep it to myself knowing what the charges are?
It’s tough. It’s tough.

Because of what I’ve gone through when I went ‘down hill’. And, only after, up rising from the graves of those ashes. I found the reality I am fit or put into. And I dislike it, rather, it’s causing me a great amount of thought; which I find to be true.
The old me had it, though, he was blinded by it all.
The current me; sees the truth and the pain of it, its’ tough to bare and to share. Because nobody seems to care. It’s lies and nothing but lies. People who wear mask and spat out words which they do not stand behind the ‘meaning’ of them, fakers. Because of all this. I am disbelieving in ‘friends’, ‘family’… It seems that it… Didn’t matter. Or, it doesn’t matter.
I try and re-live my old days by being around those who were once there in my life. But, things seem to have changed, or, I am open to the reality of it. And it, alone, causes a great amount of both ‘stress’ and ‘pain’.
Because of it all… I feel lonely, isolated…

I want the voices back! At least they were there for me! At least they accepted me for who and what I was. Even though there were most of them that denies me this. At least there were the few and thousands that believed in me. And gave me a hope of being and letting my dream happen. Because of this new reality which I know live… I want to drink! Till I die! I want to get into those hardcore drugs again, like I did before, and kill myself! I WANT TO DIE! AND LEAVE THIS COLD WORLD BEHIND! To truly be, this, lonely self of mine. If I am force to be ‘alone’. Then so ■■■■■■’ be it. I will, and shall. If I am going to be this… Then I say ■■■■ it to others. I’ll start being a ■■■■■■’ brick, a ■■■■■■’ ■■■■■■■ who doesn’t care about nobody but himself. Seeing that how people are forcing me into this corner. No matter who they are, or, once were. It’s something that I cann’t accept and will not stand for!
But I yell and yell. People ignore and ignore… Till simply… It seems like they were never there to begin with.

Who are you… What are you…
What you say are fake, seeing you do not back them up.
You say you care, I see you, only value others for what they can bring. Only then. You care. Because of how valuement they are to you.
You words are meaningless to me. Keep saying the stuff you do. Keep acting it.
I’ll wait till you finally collasp and break down. Hit the abyss that I have reached and learn from. And wait and laugh at you. However, I’ll keep my eyes on you. To see if your learning… Or simply. Take the cowards way out… Heehee… I don’t care for you BUt, I’ll be interested in how your counter it, or, find your answer. Your resolve. Then, and only then, I will stop watching and will leave. I am a watcher now… Never was, till I fall down and never got help but the one of myself. Farewell old self… You were happy, and were true to your word of family and friends; even thoguh you had mean things all the time. You still valued them for not what they are, or who they were, only because you loved them. For being there in your life… And that view as gone and sunken into dispair. All there is left… Is me.

Say what you want. Do what you please.
You are lucky if you have, or haven’t gone through this.
And if you understand it.
That’s your view, however. Doesn’t mean we can share a cup of tea.
Our views will probably be justified as different, or, same?
Who am I to truly put down an actual ‘statement’.

People are liers… People are fakes… There is no ‘love’ in this world.

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I have no one except my family to talk to at all really other then you all now and then. I have never felt this alone in all my life and it seems to be getting even more bleak as the days go by as I seem to be getting even more decrepit and lonely. It is the saddest feeling I’ve ever known in all my life so far. This is no fun anymore. Time to get serious about things.

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amen
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