I have nobody

Matt and I are done this time… I think. he tried giving me an ultimatum, choosing the meds I’m taking or him. now I didn’t choose him, and I didn’t choose the meds. I refused to choose. and he decided that he can’t handle me on them. so he left me. I’ve been blocked today.
cassandra isn’t my friend anymore. I did that. she’s texting me lately and she just asked me to go to town with her and I told her no. she’s moving away soon. I’ve just been talking to my old good friend, who also moved away from me… my family thinks he’s ‘the one’. but I don’t feel that way about him. I enjoy talking to him. we get along so well and I used to hangout with him often. but now he’s gone and we can just FaceTime (finally! as of a few days ago!)
I got yelled at for talking to people on the forum… by Matt. talking to people who understood what I’m dealing with… instead of talking to him. but I did try talking to him and I wasn’t taken seriously at all. I never am about anything I say. except here. I just wish he understood. but now it no longer matters.
I’m just venting really, there’s no point to much of this. if anything at all. Why can’t I just live a normal life? I want to continue isolating myself. I don’t want people. I just want to be alone. and it’s real weird that I’m just simply okay with Matt leaving me. I cried a little yesterday because I was with him. and I’m still missing my meds. I don’t wanna do that anymore. I’m done with the lies and the ■■■■■■■■. being hurt. he’s been talking about suicide lately. I don’t know how to handle it. whenever I used to talk about suicide, he’d tell me to do it. :pensive: and that’s what I keep bringing up to him. he says ‘you know I didn’t mean it’ ■■■■■■■■.

I’m probably going to do some more posting and venting. because I have nobody now. absolutely nobody. and journaling just isn’t enough. although I did write quite a bit last night.

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Your not alone…you can pm me anytime…I’m sorry life is hard especially when your a druid hippie…no worries you need positive people…

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Sounds like you’re sorting things out, and by things I mean people. This is just temporary. You’re being true to what you really want/need, so that’s great. I say good for you! You won’t be alone forever… :heartpulse:

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I think you are heading to the right direction girl! Sometimes being alone is not the same as being “lonely” and you might actually benefit by taking your time to learn to live with yourself. ( me trying the same)

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It sounds like Matt is abusive telling you to only talk to him and telling you to kill urself. He’s controlling you

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I think it’s good that you don’t feel compelled to be in a relationship. It would be very healthy for you to practice some independence. I don’t know about Matt. If he is making ultimatums like that it would be best for you to let go of him.

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All part of a controller…glad he is out of your life…

Spend some time getting to know yourself like Sarad was saying. You don’t have to be lonely by being alone. Sometimes being alone is what we need to grow within ourselves.

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You asked about sort of feeling nothing about Matt ending it. Sorry I can’t quote when I’m on my phone.

But I wanted to say that the way you’re feeling about the breakup is good. It’s a sign that you’ve had enough of what that relationship was doing to you.

All good things will come from ridding yourself of a negative person like Matt.

Just take time to be alone and make yourself the priority.

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I watch a lot of Divorce Court. The judge Lynn Toler is always telling women that being single and being healthy is great. Having a good life despite not having a man.

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