Matt and I are done this time… I think. he tried giving me an ultimatum, choosing the meds I’m taking or him. now I didn’t choose him, and I didn’t choose the meds. I refused to choose. and he decided that he can’t handle me on them. so he left me. I’ve been blocked today.
cassandra isn’t my friend anymore. I did that. she’s texting me lately and she just asked me to go to town with her and I told her no. she’s moving away soon. I’ve just been talking to my old good friend, who also moved away from me… my family thinks he’s ‘the one’. but I don’t feel that way about him. I enjoy talking to him. we get along so well and I used to hangout with him often. but now he’s gone and we can just FaceTime (finally! as of a few days ago!)
I got yelled at for talking to people on the forum… by Matt. talking to people who understood what I’m dealing with… instead of talking to him. but I did try talking to him and I wasn’t taken seriously at all. I never am about anything I say. except here. I just wish he understood. but now it no longer matters.
I’m just venting really, there’s no point to much of this. if anything at all. Why can’t I just live a normal life? I want to continue isolating myself. I don’t want people. I just want to be alone. and it’s real weird that I’m just simply okay with Matt leaving me. I cried a little yesterday because I was with him. and I’m still missing my meds. I don’t wanna do that anymore. I’m done with the lies and the ■■■■■■■■. being hurt. he’s been talking about suicide lately. I don’t know how to handle it. whenever I used to talk about suicide, he’d tell me to do it. and that’s what I keep bringing up to him. he says ‘you know I didn’t mean it’ ■■■■■■■■.
I’m probably going to do some more posting and venting. because I have nobody now. absolutely nobody. and journaling just isn’t enough. although I did write quite a bit last night.