I have mild schizophrenia? Not sure

Hi, I am a 23 year old male, and I was just curious if you guys here could let me know what you thought of my situation, whether its SZA or whatever.

As a kid I always got really mad at inanimate objects and felt like they were doing things on purpose, like, honestly sort of believed it, and I know it doesn’t make sense, but also had this feeling like the fact that it didn’t make any sense was actually just a trick, or something.

I have no mind’s eye and I do not see anything visual or hear anything in my dreams, however, I am aware of basic concepts like “X was following me home, I went to place Y”. But there is nothing visual about it.
I think if I had a mind’s eye I would be seeing stuff.

I have a very hard time falling asleep and waking up and am always, always tired. It generally takes me a few hours to fall asleep. I used to be medicated for anxiety/depression but came off of it because my intuition told me it was the wrong thing to do.

I have no desire to be in a traditional “dating” relationship because I need a lot of time to myself.

If I am feeling especially excited at night I feel like I can feel gears churning and sort of little splashes of light, but again this is hard to explain because I don’t really have a mind’s eye.

My mom frequently drilled this “you’re not special” attitude in my head, and part of me wonders if I am just trying to convince myself that I have schizophrenia, and that I’m actually just an attention whore. I am trying to be unbiased in this report, but I am of course feeling a little especially strange recently, which is why I’m posting this.

I’ve noticed that I start leaving out the letters of words when I write stuff down, supposedly another symptom.

I spend long periods of time just sitting in my bed waiting to calm down, breathing, sort of meditating, but more just separating myself from stimuli like computers and TV screens. I get extremely uncomfortable and overstimulated and I can just lay down for hours.

I have a constant sort of obsession with being sick and have psychologically given myself health problems like joint pain that I don’t know how to resolve.

A lot of people would just see me as weird. I have had things “together” until recently when I quit my job because I decided I would rather kill myself than continue working it. I have a deep desire to convey my feelings in a personal way and I get nothing out of conventional jobs (except of course money). But I guess I plan on just being homeless soon and seeing how my family reacts and then maybe they will begin to understand that there is something wrong with me. I am also incredibly angry at my parents because I view them as in some ways sadistic in the way they raised me because their own marriage is incredibly unhappy but they were to messed up to get a divorce.

I have extreme social anxiety in front of groups.

I think I may have some borderline personality, some possible sociopathic tendencies (I view other animals including humans as objects, but including myself). I think this happened because my parents treated me like such ■■■■ that something broke in my brain and I now I want to torture other animals. IDK.

I have no interest in conventional activities like drinking and watching TV.

At this point in time, if I smoke even a small amount of marijuana I feel like I am tripping balls, it really does not seem normal what happens to me. It did not used to be this way.

I have very poor memory, forget people’s names.

Let me know if you have any advice for me on what your thoughts are of what I might have, etc. Aspergers, schizotypical, schizoaffective, IDK what it is. Obviously I don’t have really significant psychosis and have not been hospitalized, but let me know what you think! Thank you.

I’m sort of wishing you all tell me I have schizophrenia because I have such a strong desire to be told I’m special or something to explain my feelings or excuse how I feel… I feel so much guilt for the fact that I am probably to some degree pretending to have this disease. I am really ■■■■■■ up. Anyway, enough rambling. Thanks for your help!

I consider myself to have an extremely advanced sense of humor and I am writing a humorous novel, which I consider to be my only savior or chance of making good use of whatever traits I have. Thanks again. I worry that it is getting worse with time! I figure that I will end up a slightly somewhat schizophrenic by age 25! I will stop writing now!

Hi,

I think you definitely have an anxiety disorder and you need to get that treated. Many of the symptoms you’ve described can be attributed to anxiety and also depression (the lack of interest in conventional activities). Some of the other symptoms could be early signs of schizophrenia.

I recommend you contact one of the centers listed here that is closest to you and (if there none really close to you) then ask them for a recommendation of another clinic like theirs closer to you.

These centers are specifically set up to help people like you as early as possible.

http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/

Here is another list of Early Psychosis Treatment centers - call them also if there is not one listed above that is close:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlypsychosis.htm

Its very important that you call them, tell them about your family history and how you were treated by your parents.

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Thanks for your response but neither of those links work.

Sorry - here are the links again - not sure what the issue was:

http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/

http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlypsychosis.htm

Thanks for writing in clear paragraphs. Best of luck to you and your quest for answers.

Soup

Go see a psychiatrist NOW and talk this over. He/she will be able to help you. Also, I think you should link up with a community psychiatric nurse, these are part of the psychiatric team and they help you a lot…you can get access to then for free, if you go to your local psychiatric hospital…enquire about it**…the community psych nurse saved my life and got me back on my feet again.**

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Thanks for your responses.

I now believe I don’t have schizophrenia, since I don’t really think I have delusions or hallucinations, but I have some issues. I have had hallucinations before under the influence of drugs so I know what they are. I however feel brain is often just like a salad of ideas and I get this feeling like “I have no idea what’s going on”.

I had a really bad experience with psychiatry because withdrawing from a high dose of paroxetine was extremely difficult and I hate being addicted to any drugs which is why I avoid caffeine. I do not want to take any drugs. Taking another drug just seems like another psychological burden in the form of something to keep track of that will give me anxiety and cause me to freak out. And I generally feel overwhelmed with thoughts that aren’t even manifested into full sentences, it’s just like I can physically feel the jumbling and shifting gears and flow of direction inside my head. Sometimes I can imagine that there is a little dot or ball inside my head and I can just follow where that ball goes, and it will zip around in different directions, and this is sort of relaxing.

Do you guys feel like thinking is a physical flexing of your brain? I can tell that when I am thinking different ways, different areas inside my head (like top of head, front of forehead, everywhere inbetween) are activated. Thinking certain ways causes a different physical activation in my head. I don’t think this is a delusion, I think I am just especially sensitive and I notice things that other people don’t notice. HAHA, maybe that sounds sort of like something a schizophrenic would say, but of course, a regular person could say that too. I notice that most people are unhappy and anxious a lot of the time, even though if you asked them how they were, they might say happy. I don’t have to be a schizophrenic to know that.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is, yes I have this weirdness about me, but I don’t want to take drugs. I would never take an antipsychotic because I don’t want tardive dyskinesia or akathesia. So I was wondering if you guys had any other advice for a person like this. I am interested in living with hippies so that I do not have to have a regular job and I don’t have the psychological burden of paying bills and keeping track of stuff that makes me go insane. As you may be able to tell, I get overstimulated quite easily. But I don’t want to take a drug that turns me into a zombie and ruins my sense of creativity and emotion.

I really do appreciate your advice and I may yet still go to a psychiatrist just to talk to them if I can overcome my sense of embarrassment. I just thought I would throw a few more thoughts out there and see if anyone has anything to say, like that they had similar feelings and what they did about it that helped, etc. Thank you very much.

One last thing: I think the reason I believed I had mild schizophrenia, or do, is because my sense of being overwhelmed is different from other types of anxiety I have like social anxiety. It’s like an overwhelming gears churning form of thoughts. I have a theory that taking paroxetine, which is kind of a numbing, dumbing down kind of drug, for a long period of time, and then coming off of it, has left me in sort of a rebounded/withdrawal to that kind of thing. And on top of that I am just extremely sensitive. But is this “sensitivity” and overwhelmed feeling a common feature of schizophrenia? It’s like my brain is too powerful for its own good, and thats why I get tired so easily, because I think so hard I just become lethargic afterwards. I’m not saying I’m particularly SMART, I think a smarter thing to do would be to build social relationships, but I remain uninterested in those for reasons beyond my control, I guess because many people aren’t interested in the same things that I am interested in, like the nature of consciousness, death, reality, etc. I don’t care about restaurants or sex. Maybe I don’t know what I want. Anyway, I’m going to stop talking now. I guess I do have some fear of being homeless. But whatever.

I also ■■■■■■■ hate the medical industry in the united states. You wait 5 hours to see a doctor for 2 seconds, and he’s basically like, “■■■■ you”, and then you get a bill for $236 dollars later. Why don’t they have a menu that tells you what it costs beforehand? I ■■■■■■■ hate that industry. Or sometimes you don’t get a bill, and then you just get a letter from a collection agency like 6 months later and some cranky woman calling you on the phone. ■■■■ that. I hate the medical industry.

Have you done any research into adult ADHD?

I generally think that ADHD is ■■■■■■■■ and if it does exist its a deficit of willpower and I have plenty of willpower. The diagnostic criteria are a complete joke.

I am sorry for being negative before, but calling the phone numbers linked in those links has not gotten anywhere. They said the enrollment program ended or the number doesn’t work or they didn’t respond. Does anyone have any other advice? I am terrified of going to some psychiatric program and ending up getting raped in prison because I didn’t pay the $3000 for my 30 minute consultation. Plus I’d rather go to someone specialized in schizophrenia and also borderline personality disorder rather than some shmuck who will ignore me. Any advice? Thank you.

I recommend you contact a university-associated hospital. These have doctors who are very knowledgeable about the most recent/current options for treatment - so they are probably your best bet (rather than a random call to a psychiatrist in your city).

http://www.schizophrenia.com/psychcenters.htm

I would start there.

Sounds vaguely familiar before my “break”. Do you consider yourself paranoid? I’m sure you looked into bipolar also. Paroxetine w/o a mood stabilizer can force a manic/mixed state.