I think its a character of meds.
Its not me where is my actual character.
Or I did not have one.
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On the way of recovery my thoughts changed and i get messages of opposite meaning. Reality becomes real. Coming out of my delusions makes my anxiety levels rise. I am alone with it. The medication are a great help.
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Meds do change your personality in my experience, as they reduce anxiety and bring out your true nature, so you’re more confident etc. I do think that if you’ve been on meds a while and come off safely, its possible to stay the same as you were on meds.
This is not true for everyone but for some people meds for a while can almost cure a person of delusions, they learn to get over them so they can eventually quit meds, but for others the delusions come back when off meds.
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Keep on keeping on man, you’ll get to baseline eventually. Trust
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I’m a different person on each med I’m put on. I wasn’t given a choice as a child whether I took medicine or not. I went off for a month and my libido came back and I had a successful normal relationship with a woman for a year. I did go back on my meds because of scary voices and hallucinations. I thought I was going to be fine for awhile then I went off the medicine again and that was the end of a normal life 
.
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A relationship as a sz male? Holy ■■■■ dude you’re a legend!
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Bro, don’t get down on yourself, women aren’t as judgemental as you’d think/believe. It’s your belief system, if you’re a genuine dude and you care for them, they don’t give a damn 
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Meds can make you feel that way. And you do have a character or a personality. And I think our brains just get confused with where we are or how we are supposed to feel or be sometimes especially if we are using mind altering substances. Just try to take your head meds regularly I am about to start back and take mine for awhile too and see how it works for me. And am also about to start getting off of opiate medications too which may help alot so good luck to you.
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