I have a hard time believing I have schizophrenia

Unusual Beliefs
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I keep thinking it’s the devil. But that is a really old fashioned belief. My parents and everyone I know believe I have schizophrenia. The reason I believe it’s the devil is that I found writing around my house that was evil that seems like it was written by an evil source. I destroyed all the writing so I as never able to show it to anyone. I wish I had shown it to someone so maybe someone would believe me, but everyone believes I hallucinated the writing. The voice in my head has been telling me I’m going to hell my whole life. I even remember it talking to me when I was 5 years old. When I was 5 years old, it asked me “how would you like to go to hell.”

I try telling my mom that the devil is real, but she thinks that the devil is just a story made up to scare people or something like that.

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Like no offence. There’s people here who experience similar. The mind is a strange thing when it’s stressed and schizophrenia is all about shadows and things that aren’t real.

Take the pills. They help most people get through those positive symptoms and thinking it’s the devil is unfortunately in the realms of positive symptoms.

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I’m taking 600 mg Clozapine and 4 mg Haloperidol, so I’m taking medication. I’ve tried some other medications, but Clozapine is the only one that has really helped so far.

I still hear voices all day long. I’ve been talking to my psychiatrist about changing medications but he thinks we have something good going with Clozapine. I’m able to go to school and look for work and live my life to a certain extent.

Clozapine is the only drug that has helped. Sometimes I try to go off it, but the voices get so bad I can’t sleep for days.

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Function is important. Your on some decent doses but sounds like you need them. Trust your doctor and keep informed about the disorder. Hopefully you get to a point where you can isolate those positives like the voices and move forward. It’s not an easy thing and don’t stop the pills!

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These forums are dedicated to wellness and leaving behind delusion.

That said there is one fairly respected philosopher, a Japanese philosopher of Buddhism who studied phenomenology in Germany, who mentions “the devil” (Nishida uses the word Mephistopheles" and akuma, Japanese for devil, in his work).

Nishida claims that self consciousness can be achieved through awareness of how others see oneself (in psychology jargon, public objective self awareness) and as far as one is a collectivist there is not problem, but if you see yourself from your own point of view (private objective self awareness) then that implies the devil s hidden in self awareness.

Nishida does not say why.

A number of Western scholars (Smith, Freud, Mead, Derrida, Bakhtin, Hermans, Rochat) claim that it is necessary to split the self to have a self.

It seems to me that it is very difficult to split oneself.

One way that self splitting be achieved, possibly, is that the split part of the self might be so devilsh, so horrific, that one would not want to realise that it is there.

Nishida does not say that (the above). Freud does say something similar somewhere (but I have lost the place) . Freud suggest that the self is guilty from the outset and this may be saying the same thing.

My own experience of psychosis was one of hell, as the above, where I wish I could believe is simply a delusion but, I believe alas, I am going.

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Yes right. If we one percent any how become more than fifty percent than history will be different.

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WHat do your voices say? Are they from someone you know?

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@SnowTiger they have been testing sodium benzoate (Naben) with clozapine for treatment resistant schizophrenia, does your doctor have an opinion on that?

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I usually hear two voices. One voice says it is the devil, and the other voice says that it is a friend. Sometimes the good voice says it is an angel from God. Other times the voice says it is just another demon.

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I will have to ask him about that. Thank you.

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Mine is from an old friend I knew from grade 3-11. He doesn’t realize I want him out of my life. If he doesn’t leave me alone I will retaliate

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The devil is God’s bad side, according to Zoroastrianism. Try to think positive though, it helps.

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