It was five years ago. I’m still not over it, and I think about it all of the time. When I do, I become angry and depressed, get deep in thought, and totally shut down. I worked so hard to prepare for it, but a lot of things went wrong. The problem is, some things that went wrong were because of other people. I was so stressed out, I missed the rehearsal dinner that everyone was together at because I was with my dad at his house saying I was going to kill myself. I missed all the girls getting their nails done. I missed half the pictures on the day of. I didn’t sleep. My dress was the wrong dress. Friends came in from out of town and booked a hotel room for me to stay with them, and I missed that, too. I also missed most of my bridal shower weeks beforehand. Three of my grandparents were living at the time, but they were all sick and none of them made it. We purchased two wedding photo albums that we never received from the photographer. The list goes on and on.
Any tips on how I can work through this?
I need to move on. Wedding and wedding pictures stir up so many emotions for me that I despair.
Start by forgiving yourself. You were mentally ill at the time. Try writing out every single thing on paper that bothers you about your wedding day and then make a decision to let it all go. Drop the papers into a fire and let your worries and anger burn away.
What about for your tenth anniversary you do a vow renewal and sort of get a do over?
I’m sorry you didn’t get to really enjoy it.
My photographer failed us, too. We didn’t get any pictures of our wedding. It makes me really sad.
My sister just got married at the JP’s. Her daughter tried to make up for that by having a HUGE wedding. The daughter is now divorced but my sister is still married. Go figure.
They say remembering past wrongs leads to anger. I think you should literally forget about it. Otherwise all that anger will lead to depression
My ex husband and I eloped. I hated my wedding day too.
I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t go right.
@FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter ask yourself if anger and depression over an event in a past you cant change is helping you any. When those feelings come up again, focus on the way you feel now instead of the things that went wrong. See if those feeling are helping you or not? Weddings are stressful events but you got through one even though you were having an episode. It could have gone a lot worse but it didn’t cos you held on. Be proud of that!
My mom always had a similar anger. She and my dad were planning a big, elaborate wedding, but then she got pregnant and they had to do a quick shotgun wedding due to family pressure. My mom was still upset about it when I got married a few years ago. I also say you should do a vow renewal ceremony. Make it lower stress this time, so you can get through it, but get a pretty dress and do your makeup and your nails, and have your friends take cell phone pictures. Everyone is walking around with a nearly professional-grade camera on their phone anyways, put them to use. Then you won’t have to worry about not getting them, cuz they’ll all be online.
Great idea! Thanks, @ninjastar!!
Does that mean a psychoanalyst is just out to make us mad?
I think theres a difference between analyzing what effect the past has had on you to learn about yourself and recalling the past to prove how you’ve been wronged in life
most people in my generation i have noticed do not get married they just live together and have a kid or kids. but also i read a case study the other day that said that most men if they are diagnosed before age 25 never marry in their life so you have some luck with you being a woman. i was just talking to my neighbor the other day who is a single mom of 2 and then i heard from some other people a few days later stories about people who are in relationships and they treat each other like crap… for instance like physical abuse and beating and stuff or cheating or just not really having any form of connection between to the two. and it started to make me think that for most people that i hear about unless your a bad candidate for a spouse or being in a relationship you dont get married because a lot of people who are like that seek out people so they can do that kind of bad things. im sure theres still some couples out there that are normal and good to each other. but also i was told by a therapist years ago that the divorce rate is extremely high for our generation and most people who get married divorce after a few years or so. and i have seen this happen even locally.
@ZmaGal @LED @chordy @anon92887483 @FatMama
I somehow missed your posts! Sorry for the delayed response!
I will try that! Thanks!
You can totally relate! I’m so sorry! We celebrated our fifth, and I wanted to have an anniversary party. We didn’t, so maybe the 10th!
Awww, divorce is so sad.
I definitely want to forget, but I’m reminded everyday.
My husband and I are trying hard not to get divorced. We’re best friends and spend every day together, but we have unhealthy patterns in our relationship.
im really sorry to hear that louise i know it must be a tough memory to deal with. I hope you can find the silver lining at least in retrospect
I didn’t want to marry my ex husband. I married him bc he wouldn’t leave my house and I didn’t want my little girl to grow up seeing two unmarried people living together. To make it right I married him. It was the worst day of my life. I was so sad. I had to protect my little girl.
So, at least you could marry whom you wanted to. Think about that.
I’m so sorry!! That sounds terrible!