I’m just a big fat ■■■■ up. The end
No your not. We all have value even if we suffer a lot. It’s never easy but you can come out the other side intact. Have some faith and get yourself up. If your worried about things then it’s time to do something about them.
I still suffer but I refuse to give in. No one ever said it was going to be easy…but it’s definately worth it!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You seem like a really cool person.
Why do you feel that way?
I screw up my kids lives because I don’t even know the day of the week and we miss stuff. I haven’t showered in a week. My house is disastrous. I rarely leave the house and stay in my pajamas all day. When I go into a store I always end up crying. I’m so scared of people. Then they talk to me and I say stupid weird things. There’s a ghost in my house and if I tell anyone they think I’m nuts. I know stuff.i shouldn’t know and it scares me. I spend money I don’t have and will likely end up bankrupt. So much more.
I feel forced to judge and hate myself
I am strong
For those of you
Who think I’m weak
Because I need help
Because I cry
Because it looks like
I can’t keep my ■■■■ together
I am strong
I fight demons
That live inside me
I slay monsters
That no one else
I go out in a world
That appears in prisms
Confusing and cold
I push my limits
To see how far
I can go
What I can achieve
With little resources
So before you
Call me weak
Know I am so strong
I keep myself breathing
That is enough.
A poem I wrote last week
And @ what point did you accidentally check off the box for ‘Yes please give me serious mental health problems.’ I’m kind of thinking you didn’t. I’m thinking that you have an illness which you are not at all responsible for.
I’m not saying that you don’t have the right to feel bad. Feel as bad as you want. It’s okay and that is definitely a right you do have. Maybe letting yourself feel really bad might help you. But don’t blame the wrong person. Don’t blame you. I really wish I could tell you whom to blame. If I did, I’d be constantly sending him dead fish in the mail or something.
That guilt, that weapon you are holding against yourself, is not helping you. It isn’t helping your kids or your situation. We can’t change the past no matter how much we want to. But what we can do is take a deep breath, look around, and say ‘okay what do I do now.’
If your house is a disaster, maybe say I’m going to wash one dish and after that, if I don’t want to do anymore, at least my house is one dish cleaner. And if you can’t do that, then maybe realize that the thing keeping you from being the person you want is outside of your control and work on that. Work with your doctor, work on techniques to help you cope like meditation or whatever. People keep trying to tell me to smile away my unhappiness. Depression, Mental Illness, trying to smile that away is like trying to smile away a brick wall. And no one on this site signed up for it to be in their lives.
I’ve got a few ghosts in my house too. No one believes me, but those who have been here an hour or so leave knowing they have experienced something odd.
Bet we ould share stories.
I set my timer for 15 min 3x a day for cleaning but we have so much stuff. My kids are my world. They get me and my weirdness and that sometimes I need to go away for a few days. They go shopping with me because they know it’s hard for me. In return I love them as much as I can. And feed them lol. I just feel like I fail them too often. I know guilt does no good. It’s so hard to break that. And these mini manias are killing the budget. My Dr is working on that with me thankfully. I just don’t know if things are real. The ghost is real but can I really see things coming? I’ve been right so many times. Maybe it’s a gift. Or maybe not. But it’s a burden. And I really just want to be normal
Normal folks share a lot of the same feelings you do.
Your so lucky to have kids that love you, and I doubt very highly that you disappoint them on any way.
Thank you. They are wonderful understanding kids who like my weirdness. They are what keeps me going
Your kids love you. They don’t think you are rubbish. And they have good taste, I imagine. So if you can’t trust your opinion, ask yourself what they think of you. I doubt they expect you to be perfect. It sounds like they know you are on their side and that is what kids need most, someone on their side.
I know it’s hard but maybe leave the ghost alone. Because even if it is there, you don’t know what it is there for so what is the point in thinking about it. It’s like if someone you are dating is always vague about how they feel about you. Just realize ‘until you just open up about how you feel I’m just leaving you alone.’
And you are definitely right, guilt is a mean mother. I have a real hard time figuring out what I should feel guilty for because I feel guilty about everything. But then I think, so what. I don’t have a time machine so I’ll just do my best from this point forward.
Best wishes… one thing at a time, one day at a time. Baby steps solve all, well most problems…
This post smacks of someone who has not asked for enough help???
I highly encourge you to keep posting here! ask for suggestions that might help you with any single problem you have listed here.
Example: you" dont know what day of week it is"
suggestion: buy the kind of calender that has squares to write in. Fix it to a wall in a place you frequently are at in yhe morning such right across from your line of sight when you wake up. Also afix a pen to the wall or calender. Mark off the day that has passed with a single diagonal line. Write important dates and events there too.
Be aware it may take a couple of weeks to get into the habit, but dont give up.
Some suggestions may work, some may not, some work but require some adjustment time. but i think you owe it to yourself and family to ask and try out a couple of things if your this fustrated. Dont you?
That’s a great idea. I do use my phone calendar for appointments but my memory is so short some days that even that doesn’t help. I can’t seem to get it through to my Dr how bad it is.
Today I’m feeling less frustrated as I was yesterday. You are all so kind and don’t judge and are helpful. I’m very glad I found this forum
I can identify with the business of hating yourself. Sometimes I look at myself, and I am horrified. There is one thing this woman said one time that has stuck with me. She said that the secret to living for her was learning to love herself no matter what. That’s something we all should hold onto.
That’s true but so hard to do. Some days I feel so inadequate and the voice won’t shut up and I get so confused. But I am loved. If by no one else I know my kids always do. That should be enough reason to love myself.
I don’t love myself. I’m just being honest. If I waited until I felt happy and loved myself to do anything, then I’d be worse off than I already am… I’ve raised a son who is a capable adult now. I screwed up and let him down in some ways but just when I think the weight of that truth might kill me, I remember that he knows I love him, he knows why I have limitations and he’s ok.
I can’t do a million things at once. I try to do a few things that will make my “done” list more than nothing, and that keeps me floating.
Please go easier on yourself, and at the same time push yourself to just do one thing, then maybe another.