even in the most terrifying episodes I went through, I am thankful that I believed my ex fiancee was in love with me…pulled me through.
It’s great to be loved like that.
yes it would seem like that…but after I stabilzed on meds and realized it was all a lie I felt devastated…that and losing my career since I was sz. thank you for your reply.
To me the scariest element of schizophrenia is how it takes control over a person and makes them act in a manner that they themselves could never imagine prior.
A victim of schizophrenia that I know personally suffers from delusions vaguely similar to erotomania. Strangely the textbook examples of this deviation do not cover their specific case. Therefore it may either be some other problem entirely or just a flavor of erotomania.
Still, I believe that this feeling of devastation that you describe is a good sign of sobriety and recovering mental health.
I met my last gf while in erotomania. Later I realized I had nothing in common with her and that all I was thinking about was sex. It was like a dream that I wokeup from once I was on 5mg Risperidone. I believe I was manic or psychotic all the time I was on Abilify.
@vladyslavbond yes I became well aware that my own mind had lied to me. I felt ripped off…angry and depressed…they say anger is the root cause for depression.
I fell in love with ideals which weren’t even real. I couldn’t even talk to these people because I was getting that parnoid and messed up.
Still. It wasn’t their fault. It was entirely me with a mental illness and some symptoms that made me do weird shite. I wasn’t angry. The opposite. I was embarassed and appalled at my behavior. Thankfully medications sorted me out where I could have real relationships with others.
I accept I wasn’t well but it was no fault of anyone elses.
There are a lot of groupies following bands, musicians - I wonder if they have something similar going on.
Erotomania I hadn’t heard of till more recently.
I think I’ve had this at some points in my life. But maybe it was a delusion that followed the isolation and insecurity I felt and inability to gain a sense of purpose in my life.
Its quite embarrassing when I think about it. I was so close to commiting suicide when I managed to recognise, the other person didn’t feel the way I did - I was kind of weirdly obsessed. Comforted me to think someone loved me. But I think it was the shame I carried too. Knowing what an idiot I was.
Still confuses me though as it was entirely inappropriate age wise and I was led on by him. So I wonder whether it was my fault afterall. And so do I really need to feel guilt.
I feel I was manipulated now. As he was much older and persistent. Maybe it just played on my mind more because he was so un-shy, strong and charismatic. Had me think he was different so I idolised him. And trusted him. Maybe he knew all along how alone I was. So he told me certain stories.
Anyway its still hard to talk about. But i heard since that he’s abused much younger women. So maybe he was just playing cat-mouse with me, as I was much younger too. Still feel like a major idiot though.
I ended up telling him in detail all the humiliations I went through as a young person. To try to explain that I’d trusted in him and become deluded. But then I felt even worse. How had I effected him? I just wanted the pain and embarrassment to go away. So suicide seemed the only option at the time. The only thing that stopped me i guess was I couldn’t get up I was so depressed.
Ive not talked about it to anyone. I still feel bad about it all. And what an idiot I am.
I’ve apologised to him. I don’t know that I should have now.
As ive found room to think more about it since.
But it is still probably my fault.
There was this kind of alternation he seemed to create in me between feeling I was repulsive and feeling that someone cared about me.
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