I woke up at 2 am feeling really good, and it went downhill really fast. My voices kicked in really loud to the point a man the voice I am most familiar with, was teeing me to cut myself, and I am so used to ignoring the commands, but it was so annoying, I really wanted to just to get some peace and quiet. I I was really down today, partly excuse of the voices, and partly because of the holidays. I have not heard from my daughter for a few months, she holds a lot of anger toward me for not being a normal mom, and the other part is my taking pain killers when I overdosed, and she never forgave me for it. Her dad is no help, he feedo her all kinds of bad things about me, actually turning her against me, and there is nothing I can do about it.
Finally when the voices reached an all time high, I decided to try to lay down, once I closed my eyes, it was like a horror movie playing behind my eyes, and I could not seem to open my eyes to get it to stop, even though I was awake. Now it is almost 7pm, and I am really tired but I am afraid
Aid that the horror movie is going to play again.
Holiday depression is setting in, no telling how far it is going to go for me this time. I am having strong urges to cut, my arms are covered with scars, but I k of I will not do it again, I made a promise to myself to try my best not to.
One more thing, I made a promise to myself last week to do at least one good deed a day for someone who cannot do for themselves. Yesterday I went to the local McDonald’s and bought a older manow herethat has throat cancer a strawberry banana smoothìe, and I did the same thing the day before. Today I gave out a bad of donuts tI’ll they were gone, and I did not even have one. I am going to take this past christmas because it makes me feel good inside to see someone smile when they really have very little to smile about
Sorry this is so long and boring, I just needed to vent…
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I’m sorry your day tanked, and for the family strife. I hope that the bridge can be rebuilt eventually.
I do hope you feel better soon.
I like your determination for the good deed. Congratulations.
I’m rooting for you.
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here’s hoping you have better days ahead…and strength to handle what occurs…best wishes
Your daughter will come around when you least expect it.
It`s good that you are getting out and doing
nice things for others.
I hope you put a tree up and put presents under it…
all for YOU! OO