I remembered some things that happened to me. I was raped by my grandfather when I was six. While he was doing it he told me “God can’t save you. Jesus can’t save you.” When I was eight they took me to the desert where there was a boy around my age wearing a vest contraption. They gave me a button and told me if I pushed it he would die, but if I didn’t push it I would die. I pushed the button. The boy died and they forced me to drink blood from a cup. When I was about 19 I was closing at Subway. A man came up to the door and knocked. I opened the door and he pulled out a gun. He raped me at gun point. He told me “God can’t save you. Jesus can’t save you.” He said if I didn’t want to get hurt I would have to do as I was told. He told me to forget our conversation so I did. I always forgot him from then on.
I got a job waitressing in a bar. The man who had raped me came in with a guy who claimed to be with the FBI. He told me that if anyone asked what we talked about to tell them that he told me to keep an eye out for men with shaved heads because terrorists like to shave their heads before an attack. The man who had raped me, who I couldn’t remember, came in again later. He gave me a packet of powder and told me to put it in a man’s drink. I did. The man died of an overdose.
The man came in again, this time Tony Tormenta and the Zetas were in the bar. But this time when the man who raped me told me to leave with one of the men and sleep with him, I told the Zeta about it instead. The Zetas left. I protected the man who raped me and the Zetas didn’t kill him. Tony told me if I ever did something that stupid again he would kill me. He told me that the Zeta that the man wanted me to sleep with wanted to kill me, so I forgot him. Every time I saw the Zeta, I immediately forgot him. I did not remember the man who raped me or the Zeta until I watched the movie Sicario, which triggered my memories. Remembering a bunch of traumatic events all of a sudden put me into my first psychotic episode.
And everyone will say these are false memories, but these are my memories.