I get it everyone here says I'm not a terrorist

Everyone here says I’m not a terrorist. I think God would understand that I’m trying to do the best I can. People are telling me I’m delusional and I could be. So I’m trying to take their advice. Even if I faked it before, right now there has been evidence of psychosis. Everyone tells me I wasn’t a terrorist. They say it’s delusional. So killing myself over that would be wrong if I’m really delusional. And I’m trying the best that I can listening to other people’s advice since I had evidence of psychosis it makes sense to do that. But what if I’m wrong and I was a terrorist? Do my bad actions from before prevent God from forgiving me? Will I still be responsible if they kidnap me to North Korea since I just thought I was delusional but I wasn’t? Would forgive me for that?

Also, I could flee and try to marry rich and that might stop the North Korea thing from happening. But fleeing would be disobeying my parents which is something that goes against God’s law. Would He understand that I don’t understand how I can flee because of that? Since the Torah says you will go to hell if you have the opportunity to escape but don’t. But the Torah also says to obey your parents. So would God realize that I’m in a pitfall? Would He forgive me?