I first had a delusion at 20 but

It really manifested at 22.

Don’t get me wrong I was in la la land before.

But I was very reserved and not grandiose.

When I was 20 I first had a delusion my life was an experiment and my doctor and therapist my real parents and people in my life paid actors.

I got arrested for the way I was acting in the moment.

Then I went to the psych ward the delusions got way worse. And changed to aliens and god had chosen me for a purpose.

Then I stopped believing them for a while on meds. But I was off meds in iop and people seemed to be feeding into my delusions or that’s what I thought. And I really believed them again on my 22nd birthday.

Then it was exactly 8 years later. On my 30th birthday I stopped believing them after being completely convinced for a while. And with that came other delusions. But I’m pretty sure i still have persisting delusions. But it’s like I don’t believe them anymore. It’s just a habit in my mind to think that way. But they’re still there. But I can live my life now I feel.


I’ve had many delusions throughout my life. I was able to see them as delusions while being on Invega Sustenna.

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I should probably say grandiose delusions. Or something to do with my “identity” or “role”. Like I had a greater or “worse” purpose.

Existential delusions.

Like I thought I was Jesus, hitler, the devil, in hell, an alien and everyone else robots and a ton of other things.

My mind just goes there.

Even now sometimes I don’t think it’s a delusion but I feel really good about myself. Maybe mania. I’m schizoaffectibe dx

Diagnosis’s get me confused though. I see aspects of many mental illnesses in myself. And that’s since I was 16 years old.

When I was a kid I believed that God had made all these soulless people just to test my behavior towards them and only I and God are real. It’s grandiose. I always had ecstasies and grandeur

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I always had fantasies too om. It persisted from childhood to adulthood. But there was a break where I was an atheist. That was actually when I was diagnosed schixoaffective.

But now I think of it I was always fantastical.

There was a break from my 19 to 22nd birthdays when I didn’t believe In much though except during psychotic episodes

How are you coping??

Does it bother you?

You live with them?

You over it?

I think it’s a little of everything for me. I think corona virus seems like a setback but it is giving me a time to gather my self fortunately nothing has been too bad yet for anyone I really know.

I don’t cope with grandiose ideas. I don’t want to avoid them. They re part of my self now

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