I find, that my thinking should ''light on'' so i could recover

I really feel like I miss something in my thinking… I guess its the reality, some stronger character, less feeling of my brain in my head (I know that this is crazy), some more real thoughts. Maybe its a fragile thing to recover on the thinking, but I find that I miss this the most now… Instead of thoughts, I just feel my brain in my head and I have this racing thinking of all kind of thoughts who never seem real to me in fact…
In a way its a few that I lack, but in other way I feel the normality for so briefly (seconds), that I wonder when i’ll be better… Thinking is linked to emotions maybe, but I am focused more on my head now.
Something should get deblocked in my thinking, but to gain on self confidence too and keep some defense mechanism. Its not normal to feel my somatic stuff in my head like that lol…
I work a lot on myself too, don’t get me wrong. I work on my manias, on my depression, but I hope my brain will be relieved finally with some normal thinking and that the emotions will follow… Lol tbh, I can be a bit euphoric in my illness, but this was pure unhappiness too. I felt the normality some minutes ago today and it was kinda of a boring lol. But I am tired of my illness, a loot.

Otherwise I just spent 17 years in isolation… Nobody would want to have me as a partner with this past. No matter to say, that my body is ruined… I just have to swallow this…
yes, there are out there even kids who die from cancer, but now I blame myself for those years… I am a coward, a shitty person… Ive lost everything years ago and I only knew the illness since kid. Maybe a father who was occupied to beat my mother instead of carring for my mental health led me to those years of isolation. Really… But he passed away too. My mother says my illness is genetic. I am too dumb to know what it is. But really, 17 years of isolation? And what hurted me most, was my best friend who is ill too, who said that she would have killed herself in my place. Tbh, ill think wisely what kind of friend is this, apparently she cant understand… and I didn’t need this…

Yeah, 17 years past like this. and now the society will judge me of how ugly I am etc etc…and sometimes still I should pardon my rage, my errors. Plus this thing, that I feel as the worst psycho of the world, sux…

an useless post,sorry, but I ruminate here…

hope your feeling okay @Anna1 sounds like youve been through a lot…maybe give yourself a break?

1 Like

I am in break already, kevon… I am here alone since forever lol… Yeah, I never met any other schizophrenic who past 17 years in isolation. It feels like I had every possible symptom of hell in the psychiatry… Ive seen a lot but in the negative side unfortunately… I wish you share also what you’ve lost with this illness, what were your deceptions, the toughest part? I feel alone on what ive gone through, but maybe there are some others too… whatever. I just should swallow this once for ever…

I am just sorry… I guess this illness is hell for everyone… No matter 17 years of isolation or no, idk…

i dunno ive been isolated a lot too to be honest. the depressive side of the illness makes me not really want to be around people a lot of the time. Working is kind of difficult as well because i get stressed out pretty easily. I think its important to just take a minute to pause and think…life is okay how it is…we all have a lot of goals and failing to achieve them is okay, the important thing to remember is that life is about the journey. Depression is a tough battle but can be improved.

Yeap, thanks :slight_smile: . Yes, I need this pause. I didn’t fight before so its new for me too. Meds are not miracle for me… You’ll do it, don’t worry. I guess I just had no luck as my sister says… Its been a lot of time that I am isolated, so its hard, but I guess I should stop sorrying about this. But how I am gonna to say it to the others, idk, lol…

1 Like

Moping won’t get you anywhere, @Anna1. We get it. You spent 15 to 20 years in isolation. That sucks, and I’m sorry, but it’s in the past. What are you going to do right now to fix your life? Go to the shops, go on a walk, hang out with your friends and family; anything, really. I know it’s hard, but you have to keep moving. If you give up on life, life will give up on you. I don’t want that for you. None of us want that for you.

Sitting on the forum trying to get other members to agree that your illness is more severe than everyone else’s would not be productive even if your illness was the most severe, though I’ll tell you a secret; it’s not. I’ve read stories of and met people who will likely be in some sort of treatment center for the rest of their lives if no new meds that work for them come out. People whose insight doesn’t oscillate, but is always poor or nonexistent. People who are so disorganized and/or cognitively impaired that they can’t even form coherent sentences, let alone join the forum and speak to us. People who continue to deteriorate no matter what treatment they are given. People who are simply lost in their psychosis and may never return to us.

Trust me, your life isn’t that bad, though it would be better if you would choose to make it better. You have to keep moving if you want to get through it. We’ll help you as much as we can, but we can’t do it for you.

This topic was automatically closed 95 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.