I want to know your opinions.
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at 22(3 years ago), and was in and out of the mental ward where i got a diagnosis. I was depressed, sleepless, and a thief. 6 months later i got SSDI(disability insurance in america) and have been on abilify since then. My symptoms without medicine are a lot of body hallucinations, such as false heart attacks, or my feet feeling like they are in my head. I also would have very loud thoughts at night time or i could not keep up with my thoughts. This is kept quieter on abilify though.
The first thing i did with SSDI was run from my life, I got a six month supply of abilify and traveled all over the world. I stopped drinking alcohol, drugs, my depression was cured by the excitement of endless travel (staying in hostels i only had to spend ($200-500 a month).
Now I am done traveling and my life is completely turned around. All i do is read, study languages, and learn all day. I still can have some small hallucinations, and loud thoughts at night. Though it is minor on abilify
So I am extremely happy, however, I feel I owe it to SSDI(and the medicine) and I think I am now addicted to the SSDI. I cant imagine having to working 20-40 hours, and having to give up my precious language study hours. I feel like work would stress/freak me out and trigger a lot of episodes.
Is this SSDI attachment common ? or Okay? Not okay in your opinion? I feel like so long as I use it to study and constantly improve myself it is okay to stay on? Ideally id like to get off it in 5-10 years when i am more skilled.