I felt the opposite of suicide today

I have not thought this way for as long as I can think back.

But, we’re here, today and maybe not tomorrow

Somehow I have gone from constantly having suicidal thoughts to this revelation that actually, I do care and what we have is a gift to be around

It’s very temporary but I want to do more for people and stop letting things get out of hand

I feel guilty about my suicidal ideation as it worries my health team and especially my mother.

She lost my father to suicide, and I am disappointed in myself for saying some of these thoughts to her

I will try and do better in future

22 Likes

I was suicidal for 20 years. My life circumstances changed finally and I want to live now. It’s not about trying to do better because it’s not your fault. Just put effort in finding this in life that make you happy, or as happy as you can manage and engage in those things regularly.

8 Likes

I’m glad your feeling good and hope it lasts. :sauropod::sauropod::sauropod:

4 Likes

It’s true. I’ve been living in a bubble after they put me on olanzapine though. It’s like I lost touch with death and haven’t been thinking much that my time is short and that tomorrow is no given. Lately I started thinking about it though, and it’s positive in the sense that I take life more seriously.

2 Likes

I had chronic suicidal ideation til about two years ago - through therapy / case management.

Once in a while it comes back but i am pretty okay with being alive.

I also want to care. Right now I’m in a bad state of apathy, but working on it.

2 Likes

I am hoping this is the first step towards clarity. Sorry to hear you went through it for 20 years :frowning: Glad you came out the other side

Thanks @GrayBear

Think we all need to do this. It has been a severe battle for many, but there is some hope. I am sad for those who gave up. :frowning:

What part of this helped you most?

3 Likes

You sound sad. Idk why. I hope you feel better soon.

1 Like

I’m glad you’re feeling better @Joker.

1 Like

Therapist (monthly) and Case Manager (weekly) completely took my SI seriously. Helped me make a safety plan. Listened whenever I felt it and explored why I felt it everyday. They just gave a ■■■■ and that was a big deal.

2 Likes

That’s great news @Joker hope it lasts!

2 Likes

i was born about 15 years after the jewish holocaust and my parents were surv ivors. everytime i went to bed i would remind myself that i cannot lay down and die – i owed it to my parents to stay alive and do my best, this kept me from trying all kinds of things that would have destroyed me and my family. judy

3 Likes

Good for you @Joker!
Hoping that it lasts!

2 Likes

Not so much. My sleep is messed with now, and that’s a huge trigger

Last 3 days I have slept about 2 hours a night

This is not going to end well

Not sure if it’s the reduction of Latuda or side effects from Vraylar

Not suicidal though, just a mess

I think Vraylar has insomnia as a side effect.

1 Like

I am really hoping it’s temporary!

Before I have not gone long without sleep until I lose it

Sounds like you had some kind of epiphany.

Glad to hear you are not feeling suicidal

1 Like