I feel the need to talk to someone :(

Hi everyone, it’s been a long time since I wrote here, in fact the majority probably won’t remember me :slight_smile: I come from a diagnosis of schizoid and schizotypal personality disorder and the psychiatrist I went to perhaps didn’t think much of psychosis but in reality I don’t understand what does nucleus of psychosis mean, I have an idea but perhaps it would be better to forget it because I could be wrong! I have given up on pharmacological treatment at the mental health center many times in a short time, I won’t go into too much detail but I have made my psychiatrist angry, in fact I am thinking of resuming treatment but from a private psychiatrist, I have given up on treatment I believe mainly for three reasons : 1) the side effects knocked me out. and I couldn’t work, I was afraid of losing my job plus other side effects that were not at all pleasant :frowning: and with drug doses I don’t think were too high, perhaps I’m too sensitive… 2) I had antisocial behavior 3) I forgot which one it was :(. Up to this point it’s a fairly long message and I’m sorry if you want I’ll continue another time :(, I remembered the third reason:) I could rewrite the message, I forgot it again. Sorry I’m in a bad situation ? I don’t want to feel sorry…

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Hi @Gio23 . I don’t remember you but welcome back to the forum.

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hey there @Gio23 welcome back :smiley: thanks for sharing your story. I think you should give some other treatment options a try. Maybe lesser doses can help

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Welcome back to the forum.

I would recommend working together with a pdoc.

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Welcome back. I think you should take meds. The effects tend to lessen over time. You can also request lower doses to help you adjust to taking meds over time

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in the meantime I wanted to thank everyone for the answers :slight_smile: perhaps I’m back to my senses now and in fact I remembered the third point and am able to keep it in mind, the fact is that I had no benefits from that therapy and perhaps now I understand why… I continued to have anxiety and to feel something monstrous inside, sorry but it’s not an exaggeration. It seemed like anger to me but I didn’t understand why it was so great and so I thought it wasn’t anger… as far as anxiety is concerned, I suffered from DOC mostly. homosexual and I continued to compulsion on porn and on the internet because the psychiatrist didn’t diagnose it for me and I wasn’t aware of it, I told her that I was gay or that I was attracted to men (I’m a male) and she told me that now in modern society there 'it’s more tolerance and he didn’t understand my discomfort… I read the comments of those who suffered from OCD in another forum and even if I wasn’t 100% aware, I learned strategies to no longer indulge in porn and with difficulty I stopped little by little , and I also resisted the thought of compulsion in other ways or at least I thought, in fact right now I’m thinking that thinking of having gender dysphoria was also part of the doc and I also wrote messages on this topic in this forum… not I know how I got there but there was a period I don’t know how long but quite short in which I was better :slight_smile: I remember and I think I was cured of schizoid and schizotypal disorders by doing some research myself
I identified what these dysfunctional thoughts could be, the strongest belonged to the schizotypal disorder and it was horrible but inevitable and all in all the right thing for healing, I felt as if the thought was “crumbling” and that the beginning of this thought it was repeated time after time, I was afraid my neurons were frying but I continued to let it “flow”. The story would be very long but I’ll shorten it, I had a relapse of homosexual OCD and they helped me in a forum, especially a moderator and an administrator to be aware of it and not make me ask for reassurance on the forum by refusing to give it to me (those who suffer from OCD know what I’m talking) even without a diagnosis, which they never do but perhaps they were driven by the knowledge of the suffering one feels because of the DOC because they too have suffered from it. I think I was healed by the doc because I felt euphoric and I had what a forum administrator calls “metadoc” that is the doc in the doc i.e. the fear/doubt of not being healed which is a sign of healing… the the problem is that together with the doc, a personality disorder called psychopathy emerged more gradually which, however, according to some, is erroneously included in the msd 5 manual in antisocial personality disorders I believe… bottom line is that I was banned twice for the lack of empathy and aggression towards everyone… they didn’t even give me the opportunity to apologize and give explanations to the second recording… I had become aware of the disorder, unfortunately I did a search and I see myself in 99% of the cases (in the 1% I saw a peculiarity in it because I used others for my own ends but I also gave according to a “give to receive” scheme or vice versa… everyone hates psychopaths on the internet you can find out how to recognize a psychopath and things like that to distance yourself from them and I became aware almost by luck because an administrator who was angry with me hypothesized that it was psychopathy shortly before they banned me and also blocked my IP… what perhaps hurts me most is that disorganized thinking also got involved ( diagnosed) it took me a day or two to understand what had happened I feel very slow in reasoning sometimes… they misunderstood one of my messages which in any case would have lacked empathy, a kind of blow and I don’t know I just lacked empathy I don’t know! they must be telling me all kinds of things, the administrator told me “hallucinating childishness” then I managed to read a title that said “dignity” before the site disconnected because I think they blocked my IP and device. of suffering" I think it’s aimed at me so they think it’s without dignity and they’ve hurt my pride and it makes me feel bad but now I don’t want to feel sorry for myself… because of a disorganized thought that they didn’t even notice, but they would keep banning me because everyone hates antisocial personality disorders…

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I didn’t say that I’m trying to apply strategies to avoid becoming a psychopath again! I want a social life and hope to get well!

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