I feel strange, like my thoughts are muddled. Like I function as normal, but my mind is vulnerable and I feel like it will snap quietly. Like I have the urge to pace the floor up and down in the night, disturbed images in my mind. I hate the TV it makes it worse, my husband is watching the news and I saw violence on it as I happened to look up. I felt like screaming, but nothing comes out, I felt angry and wanted to throw things. Its like my mind is going on a different tangent to my body.
Its strange, but it feels as if my meds are stopping to work. Does this happen? I was doing so well on my meds no voices and intrusive thoughts, but now recently they have come back, and I didn’t lower my dosage or anything. Maybe its the stress of the last week, I don’t know. I feel though, as if I want to give up on life, it is getting me nowhere, same old drudgery.
This morning I had dreams of my old life, school, my parents and my old Catholic prayer life. I was happy in the dreams in some way, then I woke up and saw the blank wall of my bedroom, and felt sad that those things were gone. It disturbed me so much I had to get up and read, because I couldn’t sleep for fear of getting more dreams. They felt weird.
I feel like I am split in two - the outside operates as usual, but the inside is muddled up and confused.