I feel so paranoid around my brother

Unusual Beliefs
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Okay, first of all- I love my brother with all of my heart.
But I just feel extremely paranoid around my brother. It’s not like I don’t like him, I love him as my one and only brother.
So, something happened back in January, when I had a huge fight with my brother because of how sick I was all the time, and how I was moaning in pain all the time.

My dog unknowingly stepped on my stomach, and I’m really sensitive to pain. So I started to moan in pain, because the pain was so severe.

However, my brother got so angry at me, stood up, and said to me: “I can’t handle your ■■■■ anymore! How long do I have to hear your moans? Do you not respect me? How can you do this to our family?”

He later angrily walked up to his door, slammed it shut, and didn’t talk to me for 2+ hours.

After that, I was crying because I felt like a burden to everyone. I felt like a huge pain to everyone. I wanted to die because I felt like I was affecting my brother and everyone in a bad way. I wanted to go somewhere really, really far away, hide in the mountains or something.

Later, my father had enough and called everyone in the living room. My father said how I need to “grow up” as a sister to my brother and start acting “normally”. My brother went on yelling at me about how much he had through my sickness, but he is enduring it because he cannot deny that I am his sister. (i.e. I will probably have abandoned you if you were not my blood sister) He also said that I should stop moaning at night because of my pain, and he also commented that I am not trying enough make myself feel better. I spent the whole night apologizing to my family- my mother said I don’t need to apologize, but I’m sure she feels pretty burdened, too.

After that, I cannot trust my brother. I cannot feel comfortable around my brother. I feel that he just doesn’t like me, doesn’t love me as a sister, and he’s just there because I’m his full-blooded sister.
I know he secretly hates me inside, and I know he’s frustrated because I’m sick a lot.

I’m sure he’s pretty ashamed of me.

I’m just constantly feeling paranoid around him, and I feel like a huge burden to me. I feel like he’s going to lash out at me if I said something wrong, or he’s going to say hurtful things to me if I moaned in pain or said “I am not feeling well”. I feel that he is not going to recognize me as a sister when he gets older because I’m disabled. I don’t know, I just feel so so paranoid around him and I’m not comfortable around him at all.

I guess I should be ashamed of myself because I have a physical disability.
So I just plan to hide my illness from my brother, forever. He’s not going to take it well if I told him anyways.

I hate myself.

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Don’t worry, your brother will always be your only sibling just as I have only one sibling which is my sister. Every family has problems whether it be being divorced, too many boys or too many girls in the family, a common family behavior or illness etc…

Here’s one way to look at your brother, when your parents are no longer alive, you will only have your sibling(s). Unless of course, you get married and have children.

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Thank you.
Yes, I love my brother but I don’t want to be a burden to him.

I hope I am just being way too paranoid, but I also hope that you’re not saying that my illness is a problem in my family.

Anyway, happy long weekend!

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I just wish I could support my family more, join in in things more stuff like that, but because of my condition I can’t and that makes me sad. But thankfully they seem to at least kind of understand so I’m lucky in that respect. Is your brother very young… Hopefully as he gets older he will become more understanding.

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There are problems in every family is what I am saying. I have a problem with my sister as well but she is still my sister.

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Do you have a physical condition? Some people don’t understand mental illness and it sucks to be around them.

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I have Muscular Dystrophy. That is probably the biggest cause of my paranoia around my brother because I feel that I am constantly bothering him.

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Your physical and mental issues aren’t your fault and you shouldn’t be made to feel responsible for them. I understand caring about your family but it sounds like they need to cut you some slack. Maybe some family therapy would help. Perhaps if they were a little more educated about your conditions it would help. I don’t know if that’s available to you or not. Just a thought.

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My stepdad moans when he has stomach problems, it used to drive the rest of the family crazy. Moaning can really wear on other people’s nerves, especially since there’s nothing they can do to help. If you’re in a certain level of pain, you could go to a pain management specialist for help. My mom did that with her Interstitial Cystitis and it was hugely beneficial. When my dad was moaning I usually drove the car somewhere to be out of the house. It’s tough, because you know the person needs help and you love them but you can’t provide it, and you just want to get away from the noise.

I have fibromayalgia, chronic neck and back pain, and have been in severe temporary pain from infections during sepsis, but I never moan. It would probably be rude for me to expect the same from others, but at a younger age, that’s how my mind worked.

No reason to hate yourself, having a disability sucks a lot. If you have schizophrenia that makes it even harder, but everybody has something great about them, it’s just hard to live in a situation where you’re not getting along with everybody. My stepdad and I disagree about a ton of stuff.

But the most important thing is please don’t hate yourself! :open_mouth:

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You sound like you have been crying out for attention and your family is unable to fix the problem for you, so you lash out instead. I’ve been there, it’s sucks. You wanna know what changed for me?? I quit trying to get people to ‘understand what I’ve been going through.’ and started living and finding my self confidence once again. When you start shining, you’ll see the difference. Pray about it

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Hi @dap_delus,
While I understand your viewpoint, I want to mention that I am not moaning because I’m seeking attention, but rather I’m moaning because I’m in pain and I don’t know how else I could relieve it. I would love my parents and my brother to stop caring about my disability. I also don’t want them to understand what I am going through, I just want them to know that I have this disability- nothing more than that.

Lashing out against my family would mean that it will trigger my PTSD. I remember rebelling against my teacher, who ended up hitting and punishing me pretty badly. After that, I never lash out at people. It will trigger the voices as well as my flashbacks for me. I have childhood trauma related to abuse, so things like lashing out, fighting back, etc. are a major trigger for me.

I do agree that finding self-confidence is important, however; I also have a faith, so I’ve been praying about it, too. I guess it just means that I will take every day, one by one.

Thank you for posting.

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