Because I had another dream of my ex last night and thinking of him a lot again - how it could have been with him if only I stayed with him…why oh why did I leave?..he was such a lovely person…
I feel so guilty because I’m comparing my husband to him eg. my ex and I never fought as he was so peace loving, a real hippie - and my husband and I fight so much as we both get upset easily.
I feel so guilty also, because it would hurt my dear husband if he was aware I was comparing him to my ex. And I feel guilty because I don’t want to be ungrateful to my husband who gives me so much.
I feel scared because I don’t want my husband to leave me. I’m scared I’d hurt him.
I think of my ex still because he was so like my ideal man - long haired, barefoot, peaceful, gentle, hippie. My husband is not as close to these things but he’s such a gentle and kind man too. Why should it matter that his hair is short and balding? At least he has a beautiful beard!
We don’t have to be soul mates to be married…we just need to be there for each other. Right?
Wtf is wrong with me??? Why am I so effing ungrateful? I don’t want to lose my husband over my ex (who happens to be dead since ten years ago). God help me!! I’m acting crazy…