I feel so bad because

My last task at work today was to clean the outside metal surface of the elevators.
I was using this back up cloth but it was all smudgy on the surface as a result! It’s a shitty type of cloth as the others had run out.

Then the door opened and it was being left open for a while due to a new patient.

I absent mindedly just called my supervisor about what to do next. She said get ready to go home.

Now I’m eating in a cafe and I feel silly that I left the elevator door all smudged!

It is facing all the receptionists so they are going to think wtf is this kind of cleaning :sob:

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@LittleMissSlothy Don’t feel bad. I would bet that you notice it, but no one else will. People tend not to see those things. They’ll be too focused on where they’re going, and getting on the elevator to get there, not on how the doors look.

Wrong thread I posted that.

Also I wouldn’t feel bad. You’re probably the only one who will notice.

@Pandy and @ish

It is kind of noticeable.

Imagine a nice shiny metallic elevator door and then waiting, facing that door for up to 20 minutes… These lifts take ages sometimes due to elevator traffic. And then bam right in the middle, it’s all murky huge smudges :see_no_evil:

Fuccck.

I’m so silly.

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You’re not silly. You take pride in your work. That’s a good thing.

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Thankyou @Pandy.

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… A bit absent minded though… It happens when I’m struggling with anxiety lol

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Maybe they will think that someone created the smudges while using the elevator. I assume there are lots of people using it. How can they know that you left it like that and the smudges were not created by the users of that elevator?

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I hear ya. Anxiety is a tough one. It’s pretty consuming, which makes it hard to focus on other things. That’s why I’m on this forum a lot this morning. I’m having anxiety, too.

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If it helps I’ve made tons of mistakes at work. And they were taken as human error. We all make them :slight_smile:

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Yea I get what you mean. The thing is that when I was cleaning it with that cloth, I said to the receptionist… Omg this cloth is so annoying it’s really smudgy but I have to use it…

So now when she sees it later she will think wow this girl is a lazy cleaner leaving behind the smudge.

I guess I might just bring it up next time I go to that floor, apologise for absent mindedly leaving it unpleasant.

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Sorry that you are struggling with anxiety today. What causes it?

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IMO, you don’t need to say anything. Obviously, you do whatever makes you comfortable, of course. But generally people are so wrapped up in themselves, that they don’t pay much attention to anyone else. IMO, I would just focus on doing it to your standard next time.

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Thanks @ish :slight_smile:

Yea it’s normal to make mistakes.

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I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nothing. Sometimes it’s just an agitated depression. I’m definitely nervous about going to TMS again. That still freaks me out, even though I want to do it. I’m also worried that I will never be what I want to be with my life.

That’s what I’m aware of. Who knows what my illness is telling my brain otherwise???

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I am sure it is fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It just shows you take pride in your work. :bear::bear::bear:

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Thankyou Graybear.

I guess @Pandy is right

I don’t need to bring it to focus by apologising.

I’ll just not do that again

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What is TMS? I’ve not heard of this

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Transcranial magnetic stimulation. They put a magnetic coil on your head and it sends pulses into your brain to stimulate the dormant part of your brain causing depression. It’s very uncomfortable, and causes a headache, but my depression/agitation has gotten so bad I don’t recognize myself anymore.

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