Everything is twisted. Reality is a bad dream. I can’t feel normal. I must die.
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Everything is distorted 666/999
I must die, I must die. I am useless. My brain is swollen
no you must go on, you must not deprive the world of your gifts.
Everything is like nightmare. My brain is swollen. It can’t fit in my skull
I feel mixed state of ecstasy and agony simultaneously
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It sounds like you’re schizoaffective to me. Ask your pdoc about Vraylar. It’s supposed to be good for that.
Yea that’s mania of schizoaffective disorder.
No it’s not mania. It’s spiritual ecstasy. I had it since childhood. Tonight TV has Matrix revolutions. Should I watch it or not?
As long as its not harmful.
I do nothing. That exacerbates schizophrenia
Everyone says that lack of activity, and inertia make me worse. Loneliness too.
On one side I don’t feel capable of doing much. I can try school but that would be a process. On the other hand I am at peace with myself when I say I can do nothing. Thank my parents for supporting me through this all but my mind always argues I have to do stuff.
Is the key to find peace?? I’m scared to let go of the will. It’s not ego. It’s drive determination that I’m scared to let go of. There may be ego involved and there used to be more. But most of all I try to satisfy myself in the present moment. Forbid all the contradictory philosophies of the world. My personal philosophy contains the best satisfaction in the present. Sometimes that’s telling myself to put extra effort and doing it. Sometimes it’s telling myself to relax. Sometimes I will fail at things. But tell myself it’s ok and I’ll do better next time. Tough being a schizo ain’t it. Or maybe it could be easy if you don’t think too hard. But thinking doesn’t always bring me misery rather it often brings me excitement. Contrary to others claims that it should. Maybe i think it’s tough but I also think it’s not. My perspective jumbles back and forth as the day goes on. Maybe the key is to not think. But that’s boring. Hehehe
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I get that too. It’s a mixed episode and when I get it I want to laugh and sing and dance - and cry and cut at same time.
I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I remember many ecstatic episodes in my past since my teens. And severe depressions.
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