I feel lonely because I feel like no one cares.
But that being said, people aren’t required to care about me. It is a want- something they do on their spare time.
I’m not supposed to share about my physical disability to anyone. It’s so different; I was told that raising awareness is a taboo thing. I mean, what’s so wrong about having a physical disability? I didn’t want to have this sh*tty disease. And if you tell anyone about sz/psychosis, they’re never going to be friends with you and rumours will spread. No one is going to like you.
I feel isolated, more than ever. But I think I deserve it because I’m different. I pretend that I’m not in pain nor in despair, but I feel like I’m dying because of my disease. When my dad is around, I’m supposed to keep a straight face and pretend that I’m not in pain. I don’t feel comfortable going to my grandmother’s house because my parents give me the look when I am about to say “I’m not feeling well.” So I stay in bed pretending to not be sick. People get tired of me because I’m in constant pain and people in my university look at me strangely as if I’m some sort of an alien because I use crutches. I’m honestly so scared to be in public because I’m scared of what people think of me, and I am well aware that people are staring at me. My mom tells me to not look at people who point at me in public or stare- they are just surprised to see people like me and they have no hard feelings.
I just want to hide in a corner and never come out of my room. People always look at me as if I’m a strange person and I feel extremely insecure. I just feel like people won’t care and don’t want to associate themselves with me because I am different and I am both mentally and physically ill. I just want to end my life so that my mom will be free from taking care of me and making me feel better. I feel like ■■■■ because I feel like I’m ruining people’s lives.
I just want to hide in a hole forever and I wish I was never born.