I feel like I'm not very much different than my abusers

There’s news about how a schizophrenic mother and a completely sane father abused their child, and I feel like as a person who is schizophrenic, I’m not much different than someone who abuses someone.

I feel like I need to bear the struggles of every person with schizophrenia on my shoulders.

I was abused as a child but I don’t feel much different than my abusers who abused me.

Every time there is a news about someone with schizophrenia doing something wrong, I feel like I need to carry that crime with me. Forever.

Just makes me feel super guilty that I have this illness and so many people are getting hurt because of it.

I just feel like I need to carry every burden (yes, all crimes done by schizophrenics in Korea) on my shoulders and carry that shame and guilt.

My heart hurts. I’m a horrible person even though I’ve done nothing wrong.

The media in Korea might be similar to the media in the U.S. It seems the only time a schizophrenic is in the news here is when they commit a mass murder like shooting up a school or a mall or a movie theater or something. Or when they commit the (rare) gruesome crime. Other than that, they are rarely in the news.

When those crimes occasionally occur, the press sensationalizes them and unfortunately, this is how the general public forms their opinions on mental illness or on schizophrenics in general. It’s a problem here in the U.S. too.

Are schizophrenics committing a lot of crime where you live? Because you kind of make it sound like there’s a big problem with schizophrenics in your country. Are they in the news that often?

Boy, it’s sure too bad that you think like that. It’s too bad you do that to yourself. Your life would probably improve if you got rid of those thoughts. Real stigma by other people is bad enough but to take on that huge burden of somehow feeling responsible or bad for things you had nothing to do with must be a huge weight on your shoulders.
I can relate a little because there have been a few instances at work where I look at my fellow mentally ill co-workers and wince when they have done certain things and I think, “That’s part of the reason why so-called “normal” people have such a poor opinion of us.” That’s rare that happens though.

I think you can see how faulty your thinking is. It’s too bad you can’t change the way you think regarding other schizophrenics. When you read or hear those stories those schizophrenics make us look bad to the public which leads to stigma but it’s not your fault and you are not responsible for the actions of other schizophrenics and you didn’t do anything wrong.

That’s what it all boils down to: you are taking the worlds problems upon your shoulders. The sad part is no one is forcing you to, and you don’t have to.

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Having been subject to abuse makes me more aware when I abuse others. I am not exactly like those other people though.

This is probably the saddest thing I’ve read today. I know that I’m taking on the problems on my shoulders but I have no choice. I can’t do much but to take in the pain of others. That is what the society sees- it’s collective guilt. Their fault is my fault, too. I wish I can abandon these thoughts but as long as the news keep coming I can’t do much other than to mourn and continue to self-stigmatize myself. I’ve been in therapy trying to solve the thinking but it’s to no avail.

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Well, I didn’t want to make you sad. It’s good that you’re working on your problems though.

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You absolutely have a choice. Like @77nick77 said, no one is forcing you. You really do need to stop watching the news, comments section on news articles (which are abysmal no matter what side of the political spectrum site it is) and start focusing on yourself rather than other people.

Its going to be hard for sure, you didnt get this way overnight. You have complex PTSD and its very often that people who experience that feel guilt for what happened to them and project others failings onto themselves. Its going to take time to unravel, but what you CAN do right now is stop feeding into that delusion via negative reinforcement. I think a part of you wants to think this way because its comfortable, and you seek things out that feed into this way of thinking, because youre either afraid or guilty of feeling good about yourself because of past trauma.

Im no therapist, but were friends, and I see the same pattern in you that I did my sister. She made it out for the most part, so I assure you its possible. But youre currently going the opposite direction, and its very frustrating to see you try and take the weight of the world on your shoulders. It will break your back; it would break anyones back.

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