Why can’t I tell the Dr what’s really going on? It’s like something else takes over and speaks for me, trying very hard to sound like my worst problem is depression, when there are several things I’m having trouble with. I can be desperate, and go to Dr, and I can’t be honest. Does anybody know what I mean?
Have you been able to get any clues as to why you feel this way?
For me it’s usually an overwhelming fear that I won’t be believed, thanks to some unfortunate childhood experiences of mine.
Then when I do finally tell a professional about certain things, I become paranoid of them and assume they are conspiring against me or hate me.
What sort of gut feelings do you get?
I’ve been flying under the radar for a long time. But I have some symptoms that have gotten worse, and I feel scared and really…like my brain has been in a blender. This thing doesn’t let me talk and say what I need to say, it’s like making me keep up appearances. I feel scared what’s left of me is going to disappear.
Maybe you are experiencing depersonalization? During depersonalization, a person can feel as though someone else is talking through them, or like their body is not their own, and other ways in which they feel detached from their true self. Just throwing it out there as a possibility. I experience depersonalization and derealization often, and I also experience psychosis-like things sometimes, and it is super easy for the experiences to intertwine.
That does sound like what I’m experiencing. I just don’t know how to get out and tell someone what’s going on. And I really don’t want to be put in hospital.
Sometimes I have found that it’s easier to have the burst of courage to hand someone a piece of paper, than to have the courage to talk at length about something from scratch.
Would writing things down and handing them the paper possibly help? That way you don’t even have to be the one to talk first about it, you just have to manage to hand them the piece of paper, and then they can lead the conversation from there.