Schizophrenia.com

I feel like everything is being put down to a diagnosis


#1

I feel scared and irritated, I had a psychiatrist appointment earlier and felt listened to but she kept asking me questions about my symptoms that I haven’t had before, I feel my diagnosis may be changing however all I was doing was describing what was happening at the moment she was describing OCD to me which I’ve always known I’ve had but I feel like if it’s not schiz, it’s something else. I don’t know who I am every detail of me is put down to diagnoses, I feel like no-one, I’m having the only certainty I ever had ripped away.

I didn’t feel like my life made sense before my first break and then all of a sudden I had purpose,I saw connections no-one else saw and felt connected to the earth until my voices went negative and paranoia took over my life I became suicidal but I stil had purpose because I thought I had access to different dimensions and that I’d meet people like me, I thought I’d have a home. It gave me something I just feel so insignificant because I don’t have the same achievements as everyone else. Apart from my mum my family is scared of me, I don’t want to accept the pain I caused because it was all for an illness not for some call from the universe or whatever else my brain created. I’m finding this very hard to accept but I’m trying its just coming with a lot of pain I feel like a hole is becoming bigger every time I accept more doubt.

I’m rambling again, do any of you guys feel doctors and nurses get concerned over everything and put everything down to one label or another? I just want to find out who I am… Did anyone have this loss, sort of losing a sense of who you are once meds/therapy worked? I just don’t know how to react to all of this, so I’m reaching out to the only people who might understand… I’m sorry for posting again I don’t know anyone with schiz or even psychosis in real life so here is the only place so I apologise if I’m asking too much of you guys.

Take Care, Meg.


#2

Walking out of psychosis is really hard for me. For some of us life is so much better living in the psychosis. U are not alone.


#3

Why are you apologizing for asking for help? Please don’t apologize for asking for help. I’m glad your asking questions. We’re all in this together. I get ideas from every corner of this forum. When I post, I can get the swirling words out of my head and quietly leave them here and get on with my day.

As far as feeling like I lost myself when the meds started to work… I sort of feel like I found myself when everything stabilized enough and long enough that I could sort of think about something other then my illness. When you stabilize more, and your days become more level, your family will come back to you. Plus it might not be you… it could be them as well. I have a brother who I was sure just wanted to mess with me because of my illness. But now I find out, he’s battling off a drinking problem. So his odd reactions are from the bottle, not from him personally. (I’d like to think that… I haven’t seen him since he checked himself into rehab)

One brother did come back into my life when he got over his depression and his addictions and without alcohol and his own problems clouding his vision, he could see, I’m not scary. So we’re becoming friends again. But he had to heal himself before he could deal with me.

As far as loosing my sense of self, I was so unstable, and on drugs and drank too much and everything started so early for me I had no idea who I was when everything started amping up.

It’s hard pulling out of this. For me, there were times in life, pulling out of a wonderful manic psychosis just made me sad and angry when I saw how dull the “real” world was. But eventually I grew to realize that the psychosis was the dream, that was the non-reality. It’s hard and it hurts to come to this.

It took me a while to enjoy the real life outside my head instead of living in the world IN my head. But the negative symptom hit me and I was stuck in my head no matter how much I wanted to get out.

I got stronger had different things happen to me, I started to enjoy the life outside my head. Now I’m happy to be out here. I work very hard at not going back into my head.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m glad your Mom is on your side. It’s not the end of you. Please 100 times please, don’t apologize for reaching out to get some healing ideas. That is the very point of this site.


#4

I miss my frogs. They used to talk to me more before the meds. They were a great souce of encouragement. They still are around (thank God). But they aren’t here as much. They always make me happy!


#5

I know the feeling. That is why I despise going to see them. My psychiatrist put everything down to my label. If I felt anxious, it was because i have schiz. If i was pacing it was because of my schiz. If i worried it was because of my sz. I don’t get it.


#6

I had a medial doctor do that to me.

My low energy was Sz.
My upset stomach was because of SZ
My itchy skin was obviously a tactile hallucination
My “hives” were obviously a med side effect…

Then I broke out in Chicken pox a few days later. I caught them from my sister. My family quit going to that doctor and my Mom even wrote him a note saying that she could no longer trust a doctor that couldn’t even recognize a common childhood illness like chicken pox. Go MOM… :blush:


#7

Oh wow. I can completely emphasise and i share your mums frustration. My doctor never even thought that my symptoms could be a SIDE EFFECT of the medication itself.


#8

Thank you J, this means a lot and you make a lot of sense, I think you’re right saying that you need a period of strong stability before you regain that sense of self, I’ve been in a constant loop of in and out of delusions I’m currently out and intend on staying out this time so I’m hoping as long as my anxiety doesn’t get too high I’ll allow myself to see the signs and challenge before I lose insight. I need to find a definition that’s not my illness, my life has evolved around it for six years so its time to find myself, I hope my family come back to me, my mum does say to me I’m the weird one in the family to them, I just want things back to the way they were but I know that can’t happen, the past is the past and now is the present, I have to accept it. I’m glad you and your brother now are becoming friends again, it’s good when someone reaches out to reestablish a relationship and that your other brother is being treated now!

I get what you mean that you have no idea who you were before, I kind of understand that, mine started before I could discover myself the only definition I had was what lessons I enjoyed etc which is completely irrelevant now!

I’m hoping I discover the real reality, find the truth! I need to stop living in my head too, I’ll keep at it and work hard once I’m out!

Thank you J, this means a lot, truly! Take care,
Meg.


#9

I understand this, I used to walk through the woods and the trees would wave at me and I’d feel at one and welcomed I’d feel like the grass was growing into my feet as I’d walk barefoot which I welcomed and everything just seemed so beautiful. Now I walk through and they don’t wave they’re just trees…but none the less I have those memories and like to think they’re still waving at me some how :slight_smile: I’m glad you have you’re frogs, it’s good to have something that makes you happy, take care.