I feel like dying

I should probably stop saying this because someone could hear it and kill me one day. They tried to take me off my mood stabilizer trileptal. I think I should probably be on it. I was going to take the whole bottle to die but it’s not lethal. Maybe I should just start taking it again on the regular.

Why do you feel like dying?

I don’t think I have a reason. I’m lonely that could be one thing but my aunt is across the street so maybe not a good reason. It’s like a deep sadness that I can feel in the back of my neck. It’s a sensation like I’ve peaked in life. Being gay is hard I have no family support and I’m fat ugly and can’t make a connection with anyone… it’s sad sensation that makes me wish my trileptal was ***********

I understand I’m also lonely sometimes I wish for death too but I fear also because I don’t know what the afterlife would bring

I think weight gain is a common issue to cause distress in sz. It’s so challenging.

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I hope you feel better.

No one will judge you here. If you need to talk, reach out to us. We understand. Don’t feel alone because you are not.

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Thank you. Im going to start taking my trileptal again. The doctor took me off it last time I was in a baker act facility. The had covid there. I think she took me off it due to wanting to decrease my medicine for tarditive dyskinesia risk since I’m on the max dose of perphenazine

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I’m on perphenezine, too. I hope you can get your meds all sorted. It’s so hard to find the right balance. You can get through this. Don’t give up. We are here for you.

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