I do get like this once in a while. When I’m allowed to sit in my head too long. But I do partake in a mean little game in my head where I look at my Non-Sz cousin or brother who “has it all” and yet has nothing.
It’s hard to combat this feeling when it hits and I understand how much it hurts when it hits. Looking at the Non-Sz people who also have nothing, who also have no family, doesn’t help pull me out of my sad ocean.
But I do have to try and think about what is going right in my life. I know you said your brother is being better to you and your family… That is a plus. You’re getting out and seeing your therapist more. It’s a hard fight to get up and push off this grieving.
I hope you feel better and find something that works for you. Here’s looking forward to a better tomorrow.