It sounds like you need some kind of mental body armor to protect you from your own thinking and what you think others are thinking of you as I do. Like I have become my own best friend and my own worst enemy because I’m by myself most of the time and so make up what I think others are thinking of me and that stuff is mostly disturbing but we all need a friend and an enemy once in a while to keep us on guard. I myself, have my faith in God to protect and guide by way of the Inner Man.
About sitting with your mom - do you knit or sew for yourself? I did those things I watched TV with my mother. At l;east you would get something rewarding from it.
I keep reading today + think people need to work on their antidepressants.
Animals bring out the good in me. Get a puppy and you will feel something. Maybe not a kitten- they like to chew through wires and scratch furniture and ■■■■. My cat Chuck is a pimp he’s chill as ■■■■ but some cats aren’t at all.
A lot of us feel that way. Hopefully, it will go away for you. You can find peace and contentment if you are patient. I know it is hard to believe that sometimes, but it does happen.