I have a logical question though, symptoms of Bipolar Disorder includes risky behaviors and commiting crimes is also a risky behavior. What if what I thought was Conduct Disorder Unspecified, but a very severe form of mania before I started taking medications? My mania was severe to the point where I was very impulsive, sometimes committed crimes and was also a danger to myself and severely delusional.
I was 15 years old at that time, I have no criminal records to this day.
I was very afraid to ask this question though, and I feel ashamed of myself for behaving that way, and I know what I did is not okay, but it was severe to the point where I could have been NGRI, but I was never arrested and charged with anything.
15 years old is so young. I would try not to feel shame so much. I think the guilt or shame or lack of self worth resulting can drive you to the brink of there isnt a stop point where you see things for what they were. Ypu were very young. I dont know your background but you can live and learn. Give yourself a break. Ive felt suicidal over past mistakes but when i examine it more closely i can understand the reasons and give myself some sense of relief. Lifes a learning journey. Youre not stuck at 15.
Maybe you were neglected in some ways or just didnt have the knowledge to know what was right at the time. So meds mask what you couldnt cope with at the time. I mean meds sedate the whole brain. So maybe your reactivity was calmed down for whatever reason. You can now stop and think.
Ive been watching videos on youtube with a channel called the softwhiteunderbelly. I dont know if youve heard of it. But it really gives some insight into childhood unresolved trauma concerning different backgrounds and minorities living on the streets. I mean any person can be impacted from any walk of life and do irrational seeming things. From a very young age. Just its a fight it seems to stay grounded when growing up in very turbalent pressured modern surroundings. I hope you can resolve why you feel badly about yourself.