I don’t want to work. I’ve lost all motivation. I’ve been trying hard for the past 5 years towards this goal of getting a job, but maybe I’m too tired to go any further.
I live half on the dole and half on a disability pension. I need to earn at least 70,000yen a month(about 700 us dollars) to stop living on the dole. So I’ve been trying to get a part-tme job.
I’ve been going to this work training center 4 days per week, but I need to work at least for 4 hours a day, 5 days per week(If you want to get emplyed as the disabled here in Japan where I live, you need to work at least 20 hours per week. If you can work as a normal person without telling your emplyer that you have a mental illness, then this isn’t the case). But I’m already too tired. 4 days per week is too difficult for me. So I told the staff at the center that I can’t go on like this anymore. I’m not sure if they really understood.
Then, I took a month off, and I find myself not wanting to work.
I’ve lost the meaning of working.
I thought that if I get a job, I can be free, can move to a better place, etc.
But then I’m too tired to work 4 days per week. It’s like I live for work not work to live.
I would like a life with a job and at least some room for other things for fun. That’s all.
And I guess I need to take a lot of time to get there.
I have chronic fatigue and I can’t help it.
Am I asking too much?