I don't want to live long

I don’t think I will live long. I don’t want to live long.

…I’m tired of life. I’m tired of the stigma, the disability, just everything. The only reason why I’m still holding on is because of my personal faith.

I hate that everyone hates me- secretly- and I will lose everything because of my illness. I’m always worried about someone exposing me or reading my thoughts. I feel like someone’s going to know that I’m ill, and they’re going to talk about me to everyone and spread lies about me like how my classmates did.

I’m so scared of living and I feel like everyone is talking about me when they’re around me.

I’m constantly living in fear because I know that everyone hates me and surely I’m not likeable and only disgraced. I feel like I can be accused of a horrible crime, and be put to jail. I constantly have closed-eye hallucinations of people putting me into jail and beating me up and screaming at me.

I hear people screaming and voices say that I am the worst person in the world because I’m schizophrenic. Nothing is worth it because I’m schizophrenic. And they tell me to jump off the window.

All I know is that I just want to end my life. I’m just in so much pain.

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@Ninjastar. @anon10648258, please don’t end your life. I don’t think everyone hates you. I know I don’t. You have to keep going on because one day it can get better. Plus, you’re valuable. You’re attentive and kind on the forum. You are intelligent. You have things going for you. Don’t give up!

I was suicidal for years. And now, I have a different husband and my home life is great. I’m very happy and now I want to live. This really will pass if you keep going and keep trying

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If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a suicide prevention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries.

International suicide hotlines:

Suicide hotlines in the U.S.:

More resources:

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Thanks @CoCo. I’m still having a lot of delusions that are closely related to my PTSD. I think no one loves me, and my country has rejected me because I’m schizophrenic. I feel like I just don’t deserve to be alive because I’m schizophrenic.

Thank you for still believing in me.

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I think you deserve to be alive even with schizophrenia. It’s possible to recover and have a good life. There are lots of things worth doing in life that you can still look forward to.

Just keep reminding yourself these thoughts are delusions. You’re at least partly aware it is, and that’s good.

I’m sorry you feel this way @anon10648258. I know how it feels to be so depressed and wanting to die. These feelings do pass. And yes you do deserve a spring. I think deep down you still have hope with the tag line you have :blush: hang in there! Hugs

@CoCo @anon21849028 @Hadeda

Thanks friends. I think I’m slowly slipping into psychosis and I’ve ranted again in another post. I just want people to stop hating me.

It’s ok. I sometimes get wrapped up in the men following me. It helps to hear others’ perspectives

I think you should change your mindset. A lot of people know that I have schizophrenia and autism at my company. No one ever discriminated me. I was invited to speak in front of hundreds of my colleagues last year, which I did not go in the end because I was sick. I also met a lawyer at the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario. If anything, embracing my schizophrenia and autism has granted my plenty of career opportunities.

Hi, There chin up, you could be living in croydon !!

Thanks friends. I will try to be more optimistic.

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You just have to live for today.

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